Is it Monday already?

On the baseball field in 1975, Mike Vail was not a dork.

Mike Vail was acquired by the Mets in a trade for the great Teodoro Martinez with the St. Louis Cardinals. Mike Vail had quite the year in 1975.

From a Mets fans perspective, 1975 was another frustrating year. Mets fans were wired a little differently back then. We had 1969 and 1973 as reference points that showed us that a poorly constructed team could be lucky enough to get hot and come from behind and compete. We still had the pitchers, we had Rusty Staub, and we thought we had hope.

But as the summer wore on, it was no shock that this wasn’t going to be a Mets year with the big Red Machine in Cincinnati and we are family in Pittsburgh. So sometime in June, or even earlier we started to hear about this kid rippin’ it up down in Tidewater. The Mets would be losing a game with maybe two hits total, and Ralph or Bob Murphy would let us know that down on the farm this kid Vail had 3 hits again.

The hype got hotter and hotter as the summer went on, with some reminders that the pitching at triple A wasn’t quite up to the big league level so calling up this Vail kid might not work out. Mike Vail went on to win the International League Player of the Year award in 1975. Although the announcers stuck to the line that we probably wouldn’t see him until September, if at all, suddenly at the end of August Mike Vail appeared in a Mets uniform.

Vail got into his first game against the Houston Astros and got a hit. He then proceeded to hit in a total of 23 straight games, setting a then Mets team record and a major league record for rookies (since broken). The fans couldn’t have been happier. A kid that actually lived up to the promise. No, on the baseball field in 1975, Mike Vail was not a dork. Mike Vail ruled.

So why are we writing about him here in the dork column (see criteria below re: Stork Theodore) ?

On the basketball court, Mike Vail was a dork.

During a winter pickup game, Mike Vail either got faked out of his shoes, or couldn’t fake left and go right, or closed his eyes to take a charge, or whatever and ended up with a dislocated foot, despite his Pro Keds, tube socks, head band and short shorts.

Not a big deal for a lot of teams, quite a big deal for the Mets.

You see bad GMing wasn’t invented over the last couple of seasons.

The front office decided that more starting pitching was needed, and they traded for the once great Mickey Lolich from the Detroit Tigers. Mickey had a great World series in 1968 winning 3 complete games and had been a steady performer. Of course, in 1975 it fell apart for Mickey and he ended up losing 18 games for a bad Tigers team. So who should the Mets trade for this aged star with an enormous pot belly? None other than Le Grande Orange, Rusty Staub. They probably thought Rusty was getting a little old and probably a little expensive, but hey with this new kid Vail what do we need Rusty for?

The trade was made and shortly thereafter Vail’s foot exploded and the rest is history.

Staub went on to have 3 consecutive years with Detroit where he had over 100 rbi.

Lolich came to the Mets in 1976 and went 8-13. He then retired after the season and opened a donut shop back in Michigan.

Vail finally came back sometime in 1976 with a noticeable limp and no speed and ended the season with a .217 average. He did a little better the next year, but was never what the Mets thought they had. He ended up leaving the Mets for Cleveland and played for 4 other teams as he ended up becoming a baseball dork also.

That’s it kids. Look forward to more remembrances from Bossman Senior right here.

So the other night I’m sleeping and this email comes in from Kid that I see the next morning:

how about an idea for an oh murph column.

each week… choose a baseball card.. like one that people will see and be like.. oh man i remember that one.. that guy looks like a dork….

then we chronicle their life, randomly…

remind me of this tomorrow when im not drunk please.

Yeah, that’s how job assignments are passed out here at OhMurph.

One person comes immediately to mind when you mention the word “dork” and he is the “Stork” George Basil Theodore. Now since I’m a man of a certain age, I would be the only one on the OhMurph staff who actually saw George play. Believe me, he was awful. Sorry George, if your reading this you might want to stop here and surf somewhere else.

The New York Mets in the ‘69 draft in the 31st round selected George. Just 4 years later in 1973, he was on the big league team. You think the minor leagues are a shambles now for the Mets. How this guy even got a uniform is amazing to me. 6 foot 4 inches tall and listed at 190 soaking wet, his nickname was well deserved, if you think a strange looking duck is a stork. The question of this guy making the team, as the 31st pick is: just how bad were the first 30 guys that he Mets picked that year?

George was famous for colliding with Don Hahn (a great fielding center fielder) during the 1973 season and George wound up with a broken hip (yes the DL was well used then also). George came back and actually got a couple of at bats in the World Series against the A’s, of course he was 0-2.

In 1974, following the Mets tradition of more or less standing pat after a World Series appearance, George was back, got into 60 games with 76 at bats and ended up with a .158 batting average. His career ended then, with a lifetime average of .219.

I didn’t think too much about George for a long time when all of a sudden he shows up to close Shea Stadium at the end of the 2008 season. How did that happen? How many people there said who the heck is this guy? Sorry, I’m not one of “those” fans who sits back and says “Oh yes, I remember that bumbling fellow, quite humorous”. Some People think getting Jason Bay was on the lame side. Before free agency, this is what you got kids, the truly lame results of your own farm system.

frighteningly, George hit .259 in his first season with the Mets. Yes, just 7 points lower than our own Young Daniel Murphy in his first season at .266.

Oh, and here’s that baseball card. If you have one of these, what’s it worth?

He may be taking time away from Young Daniel Murphy, but at least we get more of this…….

The Amazin’s recently sent some team members to the New York Child Learning Institute in College Point, Queens to give some children living with autism a chance to mingle with their role models.  Both during the season and off-season, the Mets organization is actively involved with local school and community events as way of giving back, and this particular visit to a school was no different – except for one team member who was conspicuous by his absence.  Pedro Feliciano, Omir Santos, HoJo, and even Mr. Met boarded the bus that morning to visit this particular group of special needs children.  But Daniel Murphy was nowhere to be found.

“How can I say this without sounding offensive,” Murph wondered when reached for comment about declining the invite to participate.  “Spring training’s a month away, and the last thing I wanna do is contract the autism.”

The Jacksonville school system teaches its students that autism is a communicable condition given to children as punishment from God for parents who conceive a child in anything but the missionary position, the Official Position of the Church®. Murphy, a product of that school system, claims he is simply being cautious about his health as he looks to secure a starting job as the Mets’ 2010 first baseman.  “I give a lot of credit to Petey (Feliciano) and Omir and them for playing with those kids without one of them swine flu facemask thingies.  I can’t afford to mess around with that right now, not with C-Del swingin’ a hot stick in that Rican league.”

When informed that autism is really a non-contagious mental developmental disorder children are born with, Murphy scoffs.  “Alls I know is that in the ’50s, people thought we’d be in flying cars by now.  Science doesn’t have all the answers, but this book right here does.  I don’t remember on which page Jesus says you can’t have the butt sex, but I’m just glad that my mama and papa read it.”

*Thanks to Schnizzle of MetsFAIL.com for input into this post’s concept

Hello fans of the 2nd best website ever,

I wanted to bring your attention to Oh Murph’s very own Osse Jorosco’s new Mets site that highlights their wonderful history.  Osse will be working with Schnizzle and Nasty Nick, while occasionally helping out Oh Murph.

I will have a very limited role on Metsfail besides being the editor in chief and removing all the extra commas Nasty Nick puts his his MetsFail posts.

I will continue to man the ship here at Oh Murph by delegating all of my duties to @Koosman3669  and Niles Standish.

You can follow MetsFail on Twitter by clicking here.

So, check out MetsFail and remember…. You can look but you can’t touch.

OhMurph would like to recognize the Over-achieving over-eaters in the News:
 
Today, Chris Christie, the rotund policto from NJ gets sworn in as its next Governor. After the ceremony, Chris will host a gala event with plenty of Big Macs to go around for all.
 
Rex Ryan, the cheesy fries eating coach of the Jets, has shocked the NFL by advancing his team to the conference championship round. No Gatorade showers for Rex as the portly professor could easily chugalug the entire cooler contents in a New York minute.
 
The Jets Nick Mangold, the Center from Centerville, Ohio tips the scales at 305 on a light day, but using his naturally padded abdomen has been a key for the NFL’s best running game.
 
Charles Barkley, the former Round Mound of Rebound and current triple thick milk shake slurpin’ Basketball analyst has enjoyed a surge in popularity, recently hosting Saturday Night Live to great reviews while filling up every pixel of that 52 inch wide screen HD TV of yours.
 
The way to success for today’s man is through his stomach!
 
So where does this leave our 2010 New York Mets? Clearly, they are way too far on the skinny side of the street.
 
OhMurph calls for a different training approach for the Mets. Forget the weight lifting, treadmill running, stationary bike spinning workouts. Its time to join the current trend and belly up to the table and chow down!
 
Of course there is precedence in Mets history for this approach. Who can argue the success of the rib-making rib-eating master Rusty Staub? How about the clutch pitching of the Heavy Hawian, El Sid Fernandez?
 
How can you be a Heavy Hitter if you’re light as a feather? If hitting is about weight shift, how can you hit when you have no weight to shift?
 
With only a couple of months before the season starts, it may not be possible to put on the pounds with the current squad. Is there still time for Omar to deal for Prince Fielder or maybe Miguel Cabrera? Can he wrap up the Benjie Molina deal already?
 
Of course OhMurph hopes this inspires our own Young Daniel Murphy to go out and load up on those Hershey bars, Pork rinds, and Cheese Doodles.
 
Work Less, Eat more!

Dear Mr. Upton,
 
My name is Merle Ball and one of the nephews saw on the Interwebs that you had done some story about a new relief pitcher for them New York Mets. Our friend and neighbor Robby Dickey is now a member of the Mets. I thought I would pass on some information fer ya on Robby so you could write that up also.
 
We still call him Robby here; his name is Robert Alan, that’s where he gets that R.A. from. We all go way back. The Balls have lived downhill from the Dickeys for many generations here in Nashville. ‘Course ‘round here we say the Balls live just below the Dickeys, but heck, that’s just common knowledge.
 
We both live a stone’s throw from the pond over yonder, the one that backs up to the Chemical Plant. The Balls and the Dickeys spent many a day playin’ and fishin’ in that pond so I guess we know more about Robby than most.
 
Some of yer Met fans may be worried that Robby’s missin’ that elbow part, the Ulnar Collateral Ligament, the Doctor’s call it (the nephew wrote that in fer me). Heck, let me tell ya that’s nothin’ to worry about. There’s many people here missin’ this or that body part. There’s also a bunch that have extra (the nephew has six toes on his left foot). So we believe that what the good lord giveth he also can taketh away.
 
But let me tell ya some more about Robby. Heck that boy grew up throwin’ everything he could get his hand on. Yeah, his arm stuck out kind of funny what with that Ulnar thing missin’ and all, but Robby just chucked stuff all the time, that’s how he got so good at pitchin’ a baseball.
 
‘Course ya might not know that Robby has several major league records. One is he gave up 6 home runs in one game. The other is he threw 4 wild pitches in one inning. But in 2008, he led the majors in games started with fewer than four days of rest, with six, so that’s probably why your Mets signed him, what with the pitchin’ problems they’ve had.
 
Well I hope that helps ya and I hope that Robby has a good year up there with y’all.
 
Sincerely,
 
Merle Ball
Nashville, Tennessee