I tell ya I don’t get no respect.

Last year everybody’s talkin’ Jose’s Hamstring this and Jose’s Hamstring that. There was even some B.S. on this site last year about it.

Then of course it’s Beltran’s knee, Johan’s elbow, David’s Cabeza but was a single gland even mentioned? Nada. I tell ya its just ponderous.

I hate to be sensitive like that, but you know I gotta say it’s a good feeling to get a little vengeance. The Vigil-anti Thyroid, got a nice ring to it.

So are you surprised that I gave Jose Hyperthyroidism? Are you kiddin’ me? The guy was already jumpin’ around like a kangaroo on crack, I knew nobody would even notice me kickin’ it up a notch.

I played it coy though. Showed up on one test, hid on the second. Gotta build the brand a little (heard about doin’ that on Metsblog), get some attention.

A little over secretion here and there and I got the doctor sayin’ Jose needs treatment. I push through another squirt directly into Jose’s brain and he’s sayin’ that he gotta stay away from high iodine pescado. Hahaha, I’m lovin’ this.

Of course I know that one treatment for this is to get Jose to drink some radioactive Iodine and that will be the death of me. But let me tell ya, I’ll still get revenge. Think kind thoughts about all those triples you used to see if that happens. I’ll have Jose runnin’ like Benjie Molina after a 3 hour binge at Olive Garden’s all-you-can eat pasta bowl.

But listen, I’m a Thyroid not a Hemorrhoid so I know when to back off. I just wanted a little attention, a little taste of the limelight, yes, a little respect.

I am Jose’s Thyroid.

That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

After today’s loss to the Florida Marlins a shocking discovery was made by the janitorial staff while cleaning the Mets locker room.  Head janitor Lou Trimin told us “I found a small box on the floor, I thought one of the players lost something, it could have been anything.  For example, it could have been Tobi Stoner’s weed or Jose Reyes’s HGH or it even could have been Oliver Perez’s lucky magical Mexican jumping beans.  So I picked up the box and when I opened it I got really scared so I called the reporters of OhMurph to investigate.”
 

 
    It appears to be a little blue box.  Nothing scary at all but when we opened the box we found this…
 

 
    A voodoo doll? Skulls & tombstones?   RIP Ike Davis?  #28 is GREAT?  Could Daniel Murphy be using “black magic” to get the starting first base position?  OhMurph reporters are already all over this shocking find.  We have already contacted Daniel Murphy for comment but his mother answered the phone and told us  “that her honey bunny angel face wasn’t home from his ballgame yet but if are able to talk to him first ask him how the ham & bologna sandwich she made him for lunch today was?”   

 To be continued……………………..

Francisco Rodriguez, still quarantined from teammates while battling a nasty case of conjunctivitis, is seen here keeping his arm in shape in a bullpen session.  K-Rod has yet to be seen this Spring without sunglasses, but OhMurph managed to capture this exclusive shot of him in action:

Dear Mets Fans,
 
 I am writing this letter to assure Mets fans that the Mets farm system is in excellent shape. After “mi mejor amigo” Tony Bernazard was fired many reporters who wanted jobs had lots of questions about the future of this team. After my amazing job of signing Jason Bay and wasting all the Wilpon money in one shot I had lots of time on my hands. I made an executive decision to be more active with the Mets farm in the off-season.

 I am happy to inform you that there are lots of wonderful things going on at the Mets farm. In the last few weeks I was able to raise a horse stable, and expand my chicken coop to hold 60 chickens!!! Honestly, I still like having loose chickens walking around the field, it makes me feel like I am back at home in Dominican Republic.

My country is so beautiful! Oh, I have also planted lots of limited edition flowers and trees which gives me extra XP points. I have acquired such great additions such as the Super Tractor, Seeder, and Harvester. With the use of Blue & Orange Hay Bales I have inspired team spirit.

In closing, I would like to remind everyone to buy their season ticket packages and fertilize my crops!!
 
Sincerely,
Omar Minaya

Dear Mr. OhMurph,
 
Well, I cannot believe that a year has gone by already.
 
I’m writing to you so that you can help me put the record straight. You seem like nice dudes and you tell some good stories and help to get the truth out.
 
It’s a year later, and I’m still getting grief about that whole injecting ARod stuff. I mean, just today I turn on the iPhone and click it on my Twitter feed and I’m seeing jokes about ARod’s cousin doin’ this and doin’ that. Always the punch line, I’m sick of it hombres.
 
I didn’t even know what he was talking about. You know Alex is so whitebread man, he says to me “Hey, Yuri, go down to the Dominican and get me some bola”.
 
I’m like, what does he want with more bola? He’s a beisbola player, he can all the bolas he wants, they’re on the ground, they give them away to the fans, they got buckets full of bolas. They can’t play the game without a bola.
 
So I say to him, “Like what you want man, a footbola? You got beisbolas already.”
 
He’s like, “Yuri, what’s with you? Did I say it wrong? Bola, boli? You know what I’m sayin’, get me some of those DR roids”.
 
So you know Alex gives me the coin for the the trip and I get some boli and hide it in my bag wrapped up in my dirty underwear in a cigar box. I come back to his place and say “Here it is man, your boli. Have Fun”.
 
He says “No Yuri, man, you can’t leave, you gotta inject that stuff for me”.
 
I’m ain’t no Doctor man, I thought you’re supposed to drink it or pour it on your Wheaties or somethin’, but he’s sittin’ there with a box of needles ready to go. So I say “OK, roll up your sleeve dude” and he’s like No man, you gotta shoot it into my butt cheek”
 
Well, like Michael G. Baron says, I don’t swing dat way man.  Last thing I want to do is look at that knarly butt. But you know he is my cousin, and he gets me tickets and stuff so I do it.
 
And you know, if it was up to me that would have been the last time. I mean, the way he said it, it was like I was chasing him around the room with a needle trying to get him to pull down his Brooks Brother’s chinos. That ain’t the way it happened.
 
I hope you guys can help me get this word out and tell the world that Yuri ain’t no bad dude.
 
Yours truly,
 
Yuri

The glasses are clean and frosted, the taps are all flushed. Murph’s Corner Bar is open for another day.
 
The date was August 27,1974. Playing Left Field against the Houston Astros and batting sixth behind the third baseman Wayne Garret and ahead of Catcher Ron Hodges was the Rookie Benny Ayala.
 
This was Benny’s major league debut, and in his first game in his first at bat in the second inning of that game with one out Benny homered for the Mets. It was the first time that a Met Rookie had hit a home run in his first at bat. The last man to do that: Mike Jacobs.
 
The ’74 Mets, well out of contention at that point, went on to win that game. Benny, of course was the star of the game and won an invite to Kiner’s Korner on WOR, channel 9 in New York.
 
Of course I have to mention here that it still bothers me that the “free” Mets games are now on WPIX because that was always the Yankees channel back in the day.
 
Kiner was pretty much worried about interviewing Ayala because he had never spoken with him before and for some reason thought that Benny only spoke Spanish. To remedy that, Ralph invited second baseman Felix Milan on the show also to help translate.
 
Felix’s English wasn’t really that great but you could understand him.
 
The show started and it turns out that although Benny was born in Puerto Rico, he lived in the US, went to school here and spoke English better than Felix, and almost better than Ralph.
 
Despite the success of his first game, Benny wasn’t that great of a player for the Mets. I remember him having to make a quick throw back to the infield, and he choked the ball and bounced it about 6 feet in front of him. Never saw that in a major league game before or since.
 
Benny didn’t make the team in 1975, came up briefly in 1976 and then was dealt to the Cardinals.
 
Benny did have success several years later with the Baltimore Orioles, appearing in two World Series and batting .429 in them as a part time outfielder and DH.

I was hoping my return to the site would be a seamless transition where I got back to work and that was that.  But Oh Murph has been inundated with questions and rumors regarding my departure and return so I’d like to take this chance to clear a few things up.
I’d like to apologize to my colleagues, as well as the readers, fans, degenerates and for all those who enjoy the content here on Oh Murph.  I have treated you all unfairly and I really wish it had never gotten so out of hand that I would need so many months away. 
When you write for a site with the massive magnitude that Oh Murph has,  the whole experience can get larger than life in the blink of an eye.  What started as a comical observation about a kid with an Indian accent quickly spun itself into an out of control lifestyle that one can only maintain for so long before it all comes crashing down.  With everything at my fingertips that anyone could possibly want, the excess and debauchery were both imminent.

Many things have been said but I want to specifically address the notion that physical violence was in some way involved when it came to the surface that I would need a break.  I never struck Kid Carter nor did he, B.S Upton or  Osse  ambush me on the 32nd floor of our parking garage at Oh Murph Headquarters. 

Please leave them alone and remove the media circus from outside their respective homes.  They did nothing to precipitate this. 

 
Also, ladies, I will no longer be accepting your advances in the form of getting flashed at red lights and impromptu lap dances in the aisles of supermarkets.  The former I discovered is a serious driving hazard and the latter is the reason I’m no longer allowed to shop at my local Pathmark.  
This is all part of my treatment and I hope to continue with my success.  I appreciate your support and look forward to a great season and beyond.

 
All the best,

Niles Standish

 
Ps  If you work for a popular website, and you see something I wrote and think to yourself  “hey that’s a good idea, I think I’ll rip that off” Can you do me a favor?  At least do a better job.  You guys get paid a lot of money, I do this for fun.

Its been a while since we last heard from our beleaguered friend Tony Bernazard but us here at OhMurph did our diligence to hunt down the former Mets executive.  Now, apparently on the books for Scott Boras, we discovered that his position with the super agent is only a rouse.  The job came about right around the time as Tony was preparing for his video game debut “Grand Theft Auto: The Ballad Of Gay Tony”.  When I tracked Tony down at a West Village Cafe he cleared up many of the misconceptions that surrounded his departure from the Mets.

Niles Standish:  Tony first of all, congrats on the success of the video game.
Tony Bernazard:  Thank you much papi.  It was in development for a while but I couldn’t let it drop while I was with the Mets.
NS:  Lets talk about your time in NY, things ended a little rough for you.
TB:  I’m an open book now.  Where shall we begin?
NS:  Lets talk about the incident with the minor leaguers in Binghamton.  You wanted to fight the team?
TB:  That’s how the media spun it.  They’re can’t say the real story.  I wanted to hot oil wrestle them!  They were doing so poorly.  On the field, fundamentals.  I wanted to rattle the cage a little.  Light a fire.  So what better place to start a fire then with a little hot oil? 
NS:  Ok Tony we aren’t here to judge you.  But you understand why that might have come off as inappropriate right?
TB: Yes but its OK.  What else?

NS:  How about your “unusual suggestions” to the Mets front office?
TB:  That I can contest.  I was just doing my job.  You try and come up with new ideas for the fans.  One idea is playing a few home games in another city.  Many teams have done it.  Lets them call it “unusual” I was petitioning Jeff for us to play a few home games on Fire Island.  You trade the 7 train for the ferry, so what?  It could have been fabulous!
NS:  The press reported a conflict between you and Francisco Rodriguez, what say you?
TB:  Ok this is another thing the media took and ran with.  It did get heated between us but it wasn’t over relievers.  I told him he’d look much better in skinny jeans.  He’s still going baggy, what is this 1999?
NS:  How about your new job with Scott Boras?  Fact or fraud?
TB:  Total fraud.  I’m on the books, yes, but I’m not doing much work.  If I was working with Boras I’d be busy on the phone trying to get a decent player twice what he’s worth to play in a terrible city.  Not having brunch and doing this interview with you!
NS:  Very true Tony.  Would you ever consider a return to baseball?  Take a position with another organization?
TB:  I don’t think so.  The life I lead now, I love it.  I was finally able to go to Fashion Week, it was amazing!  I guess I can never rule it out though.  I have always wanted to work in San Fransisco.  Brian Sabean, call me baby!
NS:  Thanks for your time Tony.
TB:  Its been a pleasure, compadre.

Last year OhMurph interviewed the Blogfather, none other than Matt Cerrone of Metsblog.  To start off the Mets 2010 season, OhMurph reached out to Mike Baron, the consigliere to the Blogfather, respected Metsblog contributor, awesome sports photographer and rising star.

Follow Michael on Twitter @michaelgbaron and check out his photo of the day through his Twitter link or at metsphotos.com

Kid Carter: Where are you from and how did you get to write for metsblog?

Michael Baron: I was born and raised in Scarsdale, New York and I got involved with Matt and MetsBlog a little over a year ago, when he saw my photography and the blog I originally was writing, NYMets.info. He asked me if I’d be interested in writing for MetsBlog, and I was humbled and thrilled by the opportunity to do so. The rest is history.

B.S. Upton: You’re also a photographer and you take some amazing shots on your site.  Which Met do you like best photographing and which past Met would you have liked to photograph?

The Man, The Myth, The Baron

Michael Baron: I really enjoy photographing David Wright and Jose Reyes. Both are always smiling and enjoying the game, and that’s what it’s supposed to be about. They also have a great work ethic, and are always honing their skills, and I have a lot of pictures of them doing so as well.

Kid Carter: Santanas wife, why not better looking?

Michael Baron: To each his own. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

B.S. Upton: Sorry, Kid gets disctracted.  Who would you prefer to photograph: Julie, Alexi, or Michele Yu?  Actually, Kid might have been on to something, Which Met player’s wife would you like to photograph?

Michael Baron: I’m going to have to go with Julie, although I have snapped a couple of photographs of her already. She didn’t like them too much, but I thought they were good. She has a great smile and a great attitude, and it shows on camera.

Kid Carter: We just started Oh Murph’s uglier/fatter sister site called MetsFAIL.com.  Do you think the Mets will give us material for the 2010 season?
Michael Baron: I think the Mets are going to be contenders, although I don’t think they are on the same level as the Phillies. I believe they will win somewhere around 83-88 games, assuming everyone is healthy, and that should put them in the discussion for the Wild Card, at least.

Kid Carter: In a July interview we had with Cerrone, he dodged a very important question about Razor Shines being hot or not.  So we ask you, Razor Shines, is the man desirable?

Michael Baron: Well, I don’t swing that way, so I can’t really give you an answer. He’s a good guy though, as he is always giving BP baseballs to kids along the third base lines.

B. S. Upton: If you could photograph the game from any spot on the field or the stadium, where would it be?

Michael Baron: I’d love to photograph a game from the batters box. It’s the one position on the field that can be very humbling, and help people appreciate how hard the game really is.

B.S. Upton: Oh, Kid would have picked the locker room.

B.S. Upton: What’s your most prized piece of Memorabilia?

Michael Baron: I have both a Tom Seaver and Nolan Ryan Topps rookie card, but I have to say my autograph of Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle are my most cherished. I had the opportunity to meet both of them for the autographs, and those moments, along with the autographs, cannot be replaced.

B.S. Upton: We hear you’re headed down to Spring Training next week. What other sites will you try to see besides the Mets?

Michael Baron: Yes, Ill be in Port St. Lucie Saturday February 20, and 27. I plan to be at Steinbrenner Field, as well as Marlins/Cardinals in Jupiter, and Orioles camp in Sarasota.
B.S. Upton: Mike, how do you feel Twitter has changed the blogosphere? You’ve been very accessible to Metsblog fans there, and everybody appreciates that.

Michael Baron: Well, I am very happy and humbled people even respect my opinion, because in the end, I feel as though I am just a fan, wanting the Mets to win a World Series. I think Twitter has created a forum unlike anything we have seen before. Baseball has always been a year round sport, especially in New York. But not only does it keep the chatter up about EVERY team in EVERY sport, but it has given people an easy way to push their unique content to a broad range of people. It’s a tool, if used right, that can be an invaluable resource for anyone with a website.

That’s all for now, Ladies.  Don’t forget to follow Mike and check out his site!

MIKE JACOBS = I’M BACK JOSE