Archive for June, 2009

The Philadelphia Phillies, already hurting in the rotation are down another Starting Pitcher. News out of Philadelphia suggest that Antonio Bastardo was put on the DL late last night after neglecting his 1 Month old child.

“You know, I just didn’t want my son growing up the way I did.” Bastardo said speaking in front a room of reporters. “I had a such a caring dad growing up…I was spoiled, I got everything I ever wanted and most importantly, I knew I was always cared for. It was awful.”

Bastardo was clearly upset when speaking publically of the decision to go on the DL, stating “I’m just trying to fulfill my family’s destiny. My dad wasn’t man enough to live up to his own name.”

Developing…

Another contest is upon us.  one that is going to make you have to think.

This Howard Johnson Signed 8 X 10 will be a sweet addition to your collection!  Its a shot of him all skinny and playing 3rd base.

Question: What is your definition of a “Triple Threat?”

Some might say the definition of a Triple Threat is one who can hit for power, steal bases and an excellent fielder….

But the answer were looking for is more like a shot of Tequilla, an empty bar and a 300 lb woman.

Contest ends July 31st.  Let Er Rip!

Mets uber-prospect Fernando Martinez has had a rough introduction to the Big Leagues. Necessitated by a spate of injuries, Martinez has spent the last several weeks learning the ropes of being a big leaguer. While he’s hitting well under the Mendoza line, “F-Mart,” as he’s nicknamed, takes his early struggles in stride.  He ranks dealing with his offensive woes as just the second-hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with.

The first-hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with? Acne. (Abject poverty, according to Martinez, is a distant third)

“Yes. It was hard for me, you know, because it’s not attractive,” said the twenty-year old. Harder than my slipper doing triple duty as foot protection, a glove, and dinner plate as a youngster. “A lot of my friends my age at Chico Escuela High Escuela are starting their sophmore years and didn’t have it as bad as me.”

After signing a $1.4 million signing bonus with the Mets in 2005 as a 16-year old, Martinez tackled his acne issues head on, immediately ordering a two-year supply of Proactiv. A few years later, now only his at-bats are unsightly. As a result, F-Mart regularly treats his Louiseville Sluggers with Proactiv’s three step solution.

Martinez says that while he was popular at Chico Escuela, his skin condition left him too shy to approach girls. During his final year, however, the Proactiv had cleared up most of his acne and he was voted by classmates as the “Most Likely to Live to Old Age, 35 years old” in the class yearbook. Doing his best to catch up for lost time also paid off – his female classmates also voted him to a third-place finish in the “Largest Penis” contest.

So what lessons did Martinez’s battle with adolescent acne teach him about dealing with the pressure of producing in the Major Leagues? “I see what Proactiv has done, and then I look at guys like Gary Sheffield, and even Mike Piazza who visited the clubhouse the other day. I heard he had some back acne.  They tought me that any problems or shortcomings are easily corrected with artificial chemicals applied to the body. Just be persistent and use them regularly, and you can also reap the benefits. So I just gotta be patient. In fact, Kirk just put in a renewal order for me.”

The winner of the free Mets Tickets is…. Jason, with the entry below:

“The answer is Chris Carlin and it’s not close. In fact I’d like an explanation from the site administrators as to why they would try bringing down Carlin’s name by grouping him with Yallof and Burkhardt. Carlin is passionate. He’s opinionated. He’s bald. I’d certainly lock lips with him to have a chance with Julie. While Burkhardt offers refreshing in-game analysis and Yallof too knows his stuff, there’s nothing that can adequately replace the passion of Chris Carlin. The bonus, of course, is that right before you lean in for the kiss you can look at your reflection on his head; look deep within and ask yourself, am I really about to kiss Chris Carlin? Yes.”

Congrats to you, Jason!  Send us an email with your address so we can send you the tickets.

Come back tomorrow for our next contest!

Mets lose.

You may not have known…..

- Born Prince Kevin Henrik IV, only son of King Henrik III, King of Scandinavia.
- Left Scandinavia with his servant, Matt Yaloff in search of his future Queen.
- Arrived in Queens, NY after several scrapes, finds an apartment in the neighborhood of Jackson Heights.
- Both Prince Kevin Henrik IV, Now Kevin Burkhardt and Yaloff take job at WBCS radio 880 AM.
- Co-Worker, Julie Alexandria found currency with Prince Kevin’s face on it. He made her swear to secrecy.
- While working at WCBS, Kevin meets Rachel, his future Princess.
- The two give birth to their only son, and heir to the thrown, Logan. Residing in New Jersey.
- The assimilated Kevin Burkhardt is now most famous personality on SNY.

Kevin Burkhardt… A true rags to riches story.

In this installment of Get To Know, we’ll take a look into that little queen of a host of SNY’s Kids Clubhouse, Gabe Cohen.

Since there is absolutely no information on this kid on the internet, I will begin by giving you the real facts on this diva.

Born: January 17, 1988 or September 1, 1992  (no one knows, no one cares)

Hometown:  Fire Island, NY, 11706.

First sign of liking boys:  Played Max, in his 5th grade school play, Bent.

Hobbies Growing Up:  Watching Titanic, Collecting Bracelets, Fire Flys and sitting on Dad’s lap.

Favorite Words:  Ugh, Ew and OMG, respectively.

Favorite Song:  A Little Too Not Over You by David Archuletta.

Dream Interview:  Renée Zellweger.

You’re welcome kid, you just increased your fan base by 150%.

Just hours after a thrilling 3-2 Mets victory over the Cardinals, Mets catcher, Brian

Schneider received a call from his wife that his long time friend, Michael Jackson, 50, has died.

“I just can’t believe it.  I spoke with Michael just last week” Schneider said.

“He seemed completely fine.  I am devastated”

It wasn’t all too uncommon to see Jackson and Schneider together, often times walking down Hollywood Blvd.

Schneider decided to sit out Friday nights match up against the Yankees in honor of his dear friend, Jackson, much like former Mets OF  Shawn Green would sit during the Jewish holy day, Yom Kippor.

With the death of Jackson, Brian Schneider is now arguably the most famous man alive.

Taxology results for Jackson are expected in 6-8 weeks.

Loyal Yankee fan and one of the winners of the Delta Fan Fair sent us some pictures.  They are great, some real nice shots of Murphy being goofy.

To see more pictures of the Fan Flair sent in to us by Spencer, Click here.

In this comparison, we will be taking a look into Nick Evans and Daniel Murphy in 7 important categories.

Winner of each category will be in BOLD.

Orientation: Evans: Righty / Murphy: Lefty

First Names: Evans:  2 / Murphy:  1

Websites Named After: Evans:  0 / Murphy:  1

Could Pass For a Jew: Evans:  Yes / Murphy:  No

Had Uniform # Stolen By: Evans:  Ramon Martinez /Murphy:  No one

Cooler Middle Name: Evans:  Reginald / Murphy:  Thomas

Originally Called Up For: Evans:  Marlon Anderson /Murphy:  Marlon Anderson

Natural: Evans:  Beauty / Murphy:  3rd Baseman

Winner:  Evans 4-3-1