Bronx, NY – Just hours before the Yankees and Mets are to square off in their subway series, Yankee third basemen Alex Rodriguez blasted “Late Show” host David Letterman for what he called damaging and insensitive remarks regarding an improper relationship with Sarah Palin’s slutty teenage daughter.

 
During his monologue Monday night, Letterman joked, “One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee Game, in the 7th inning her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.” 

 
“Dude, do you even know the kind of high-end ass I pull?” Rodriguez asked a group of reporters this afternoon. “Let’s see.  Madonna. Kate Hudson.  And those are just the ones you guys know about.  And this guy Letterman has the nerve to say I’d lower my standards so far as to impregnate Sarah Palin’s slutty daughter?  The only thing I’ve ever shot in something called Bristol was a Sportscenter promo, you know what I’m saying?  Come on, guy. Come on. I’m Alex Rodriguez.”

 
In July of last year, rumors began to swirl that Rodriguez, 33, and Madonna, 50, were having an affair.  When rumor became fact, Rodriguez’s wife, Cynthia, filed for divorce. Soon after, Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie also called it quits.  Over the past year, Rodriguez has also been seen out with a host of beauties, including a number of high end strippers.

 
“From Tampa to Toronto, bro,” Rodriguez boasted. “I clean up, fellas, no joke. So no one’s gonna blacken my carefully cultivated character by saying I’d have sex with some Alaskan trash!  Ain’t happening, bro. For reals. I’m A-Rod.”

 
While the intended target of Letterman’s joke was Sarah Palin’s 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, it was 14-year-old Willow Palin who actually attended the game with the governor.

 
“That’s right, if I’m gonna make a run at some underage ass, I’m getting Miley Cyrus. That girl is an international star! She makes millions, dawg! Not some obscure daughter of an Alaskan politician. Please, this is A-Rod you’re talking to.”

 
It’s been a tumultuous year for Rodriguez.  In addition to his personal life becoming tabloid fodder, he was forced to admit in February to using anabolic steroids while with the Texas Rangers.  But it seems it is Letterman’s comments that rankle the three-time AL MVP the most.

 
“Come on, I just stole Guy Richie’s girl, bro.  ‘Swept Away.’  Ever seen it?  ’02? Stared Madge? Adriano Giannini? Sweet flick, put it in your Netflix queue. Guy Richie film. He’s a talented director. And I got his woman.  Or take Kate Hudson.  Dude from ‘Marley & Me’ tried to kill himself over that chick, that’s how money Kate Hudson is.  And now she’s with me.  Levi Johnston?  He’s not worthy of having his girl stolen by me.  I’m the youngest guy ever to hit 500 home runs.  What’s he, the youngest guy ever to build an igloo?  And what’s with the name ‘Levi’?  If I were named after a pair of jeans, I’d be called ‘True Religion-Rod.’  So seriously, Bristol Palin?  Fuck you, Letterman.”

The Yankees host the Mets tonight at 7:05 pm.

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