Archive for June 30th, 2009

The Philadelphia Phillies, already hurting in the rotation are down another Starting Pitcher. News out of Philadelphia suggest that Antonio Bastardo was put on the DL late last night after neglecting his 1 Month old child.

“You know, I just didn’t want my son growing up the way I did.” Bastardo said speaking in front a room of reporters. “I had a such a caring dad growing up…I was spoiled, I got everything I ever wanted and most importantly, I knew I was always cared for. It was awful.”

Bastardo was clearly upset when speaking publically of the decision to go on the DL, stating “I’m just trying to fulfill my family’s destiny. My dad wasn’t man enough to live up to his own name.”

Developing…

Another contest is upon us.  one that is going to make you have to think.

This Howard Johnson Signed 8 X 10 will be a sweet addition to your collection!  Its a shot of him all skinny and playing 3rd base.

Question: What is your definition of a “Triple Threat?”

Some might say the definition of a Triple Threat is one who can hit for power, steal bases and an excellent fielder….

But the answer were looking for is more like a shot of Tequilla, an empty bar and a 300 lb woman.

Contest ends July 31st.  Let Er Rip!

Mets uber-prospect Fernando Martinez has had a rough introduction to the Big Leagues. Necessitated by a spate of injuries, Martinez has spent the last several weeks learning the ropes of being a big leaguer. While he’s hitting well under the Mendoza line, “F-Mart,” as he’s nicknamed, takes his early struggles in stride.  He ranks dealing with his offensive woes as just the second-hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with.

The first-hardest thing he’s ever had to deal with? Acne. (Abject poverty, according to Martinez, is a distant third)

“Yes. It was hard for me, you know, because it’s not attractive,” said the twenty-year old. Harder than my slipper doing triple duty as foot protection, a glove, and dinner plate as a youngster. “A lot of my friends my age at Chico Escuela High Escuela are starting their sophmore years and didn’t have it as bad as me.”

After signing a $1.4 million signing bonus with the Mets in 2005 as a 16-year old, Martinez tackled his acne issues head on, immediately ordering a two-year supply of Proactiv. A few years later, now only his at-bats are unsightly. As a result, F-Mart regularly treats his Louiseville Sluggers with Proactiv’s three step solution.

Martinez says that while he was popular at Chico Escuela, his skin condition left him too shy to approach girls. During his final year, however, the Proactiv had cleared up most of his acne and he was voted by classmates as the “Most Likely to Live to Old Age, 35 years old” in the class yearbook. Doing his best to catch up for lost time also paid off – his female classmates also voted him to a third-place finish in the “Largest Penis” contest.

So what lessons did Martinez’s battle with adolescent acne teach him about dealing with the pressure of producing in the Major Leagues? “I see what Proactiv has done, and then I look at guys like Gary Sheffield, and even Mike Piazza who visited the clubhouse the other day. I heard he had some back acne.  They tought me that any problems or shortcomings are easily corrected with artificial chemicals applied to the body. Just be persistent and use them regularly, and you can also reap the benefits. So I just gotta be patient. In fact, Kirk just put in a renewal order for me.”

The winner of the free Mets Tickets is…. Jason, with the entry below:

“The answer is Chris Carlin and it’s not close. In fact I’d like an explanation from the site administrators as to why they would try bringing down Carlin’s name by grouping him with Yallof and Burkhardt. Carlin is passionate. He’s opinionated. He’s bald. I’d certainly lock lips with him to have a chance with Julie. While Burkhardt offers refreshing in-game analysis and Yallof too knows his stuff, there’s nothing that can adequately replace the passion of Chris Carlin. The bonus, of course, is that right before you lean in for the kiss you can look at your reflection on his head; look deep within and ask yourself, am I really about to kiss Chris Carlin? Yes.”

Congrats to you, Jason!  Send us an email with your address so we can send you the tickets.

Come back tomorrow for our next contest!