Archive for June, 2009

Al Dukes has another installment of his series of Pelfrey Parody’s.

To listen to his newest one, entitled Slow Hand,  click here 

To listen to his other Pelfrey songs, click here

For more Hi-Res pics from this series in Baltimore, click here

You heard it here first ladies and gentlemen….

Daniel Murphy is back (maybe)

This week, we get to know: Chip Ambres.

- Born Raymond Payne Ambres.

- Got his nickname “Chip” at the age of 5 from his grandmother for his compulsive gambling at the Roulette table.

- Is the first player to receive notification of being cut for Alphabetical reasons.

- Hobbies include maintaining his own Wikipedia page and promoting it via e-mail signature.

- Nagging wife reminds him twice daily that he passed up playing Quarterback for Texas A&M to become a lifetime minor leaguer.

- Spent $1.4 million of his $1.5 million signing bonus on turning his house into a replica of Pee Wee’s Playhouse; became deeply offended when Peter Griffin in Family Guy comically pulled the same stunt.

- Best moment of his day on July 22, 2007 was finding an In-n-Out Burger on the 101 Freeway in LA;  Second best moment of that day was driving in the game-winning run with the Mets against the Dodgers, his first Major League hit since he played for the Royals in 2005.

And now for a third installment… The ’86 Edition.

The Wally Back Door

The Blow Jo

The Bobby I’d Eat Her

The Paul The Bat Boy

The Gary Fart-on-her

The Dwight Wooden

The Jesse Whorosco

The Doug Frisk

The Ed Hearn-y

The Tim Cockoran

The Lenny Straightsra

The Nookie Wilson

The Shlong Darlin A.K.A. The Snarlin Darlin

The Davey Manage My Johnson

The Queef Hernandez

The Gay Knight A.K.A The Twenty Two

The Randy Semen

In a follow up to last week’s successful National Sack Grab Day… it appears that the St. Louis Cardinals are not going to wait for next year to continue the tradition.

Winner of the best caption wins a date with our very own Mario Pardo.

 *This picture is not to be confused with when Yadier Molina Sack Grabbed Aaron Heilman and twisted HARD.

Caption THIS!

Enjoy part 2 of the Top Douchebag Names In Baseball.  To see the NL Edition click here

Lyle Overbay, 1b, blue jays

Justin Masterson, p, red sox

Aubrey Huff, 1b, orioles

Gordon Beckham, ss, white sox

Nomar Garciaparra, 3b, athletics

Gil Meche, p, royals

Clayton Richard, p, white sox

Nolan Reimold, of, orioles

Sin Soo-Choo, of, indians (trust us, it’s considered among the top douchebag names in South Korea)

You're on the MARK...Teixeira!

THE BRONX, NY (ohmurph.com) – It’s early Sunday, and John Sterling, radio broadcaster for the New York Yankees, is sitting tensely at the desk inside of his office at the new Yankee Stadium. Elbows on the table, he stares down onto a legal pad sitting before him, massaging his temples as if to stimulate his creative juices.

“I go through this pretty much almost every spring, trying to familiarize myself with the team’s new faces. Getting ready for the Interleague games, though, is a little different. I take this very seriously,” said the 60-year old resident of Edgewater, New Jersey.

Sterling, of course, is talking about his infamous, oft-ridiculed practice of nicknaming Yankee players and using those names for over the top home run calls. With Interleague play set to start, Sterling slightly shifts focus from his normal routine.

“We’ve got some solid bats in our rotation. It would not shock me at all to see future Hall of Famer Joba Chamberlain take one deep at a National League park. In fact, I’m expecting it, so I’ve got to prepare accordingly,” Sterling states.

Some of Sterling’s more notable home run calls include “Positively Damonic!” for outfielder Johnny Damon and “The Sayonara Kid does it again!” for DH Hideki Matsui, disregarding all cultural sensitivity as well as the correctness of using “kid” to refer to a 35-year old veteran.

“Everybody WANG CHUNG tonight!” Sterling shouts in rehearsal inside the office. He smirks slightly before committing the thought to paper. “CC ya later!” follows shortly.

“Suzie (Suzyn Waldman, the greatest color commentator ever and Sterling’s partner) personally thought ‘Brosius the Ferocious’ was my coupe de grace. I’m just excited thinking about her reaction when I break out my ‘What a Job-a by Chamberlain!’ call,” muses Sterling. “I’m confident that THAT will be amongst the most dramatic things in all of her life!”

When asked what he gets out of the sleepless nights coming up with universally-reviled, contrived calls that embarras all who listen to him, Sterling pauses to think. He glances to a framed photo of a younger Geroge Steinbrenner. In the photo, Steinbrenner is glancing into the distance with half-smile, with Sterling’s chin, nose, left ear and eye clearly visible behind Steinbrenner’s outstretch arm. “George threatened to cut off my health insurace coverage if I didn’t.  I only turn 61 this year but my senility has been getting worse over the last 12 years or so. Doctors say it’s due to work-related stress, but what do they know? Just prescribe me the meds and let me go back to work.”

Walking away from the windowless office tucked away in the recesses of the stadium, one hears an echoing “A-Jack from A.J.!…” trail off, followed by a faint sobbing sound.

Bronx, NY – Just hours before the Yankees and Mets are to square off in their subway series, Yankee third basemen Alex Rodriguez blasted “Late Show” host David Letterman for what he called damaging and insensitive remarks regarding an improper relationship with Sarah Palin’s slutty teenage daughter.

 
During his monologue Monday night, Letterman joked, “One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee Game, in the 7th inning her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.” 

 
“Dude, do you even know the kind of high-end ass I pull?” Rodriguez asked a group of reporters this afternoon. “Let’s see.  Madonna. Kate Hudson.  And those are just the ones you guys know about.  And this guy Letterman has the nerve to say I’d lower my standards so far as to impregnate Sarah Palin’s slutty daughter?  The only thing I’ve ever shot in something called Bristol was a Sportscenter promo, you know what I’m saying?  Come on, guy. Come on. I’m Alex Rodriguez.”

 
In July of last year, rumors began to swirl that Rodriguez, 33, and Madonna, 50, were having an affair.  When rumor became fact, Rodriguez’s wife, Cynthia, filed for divorce. Soon after, Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie also called it quits.  Over the past year, Rodriguez has also been seen out with a host of beauties, including a number of high end strippers.

 
“From Tampa to Toronto, bro,” Rodriguez boasted. “I clean up, fellas, no joke. So no one’s gonna blacken my carefully cultivated character by saying I’d have sex with some Alaskan trash!  Ain’t happening, bro. For reals. I’m A-Rod.”

 
While the intended target of Letterman’s joke was Sarah Palin’s 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, it was 14-year-old Willow Palin who actually attended the game with the governor.

 
“That’s right, if I’m gonna make a run at some underage ass, I’m getting Miley Cyrus. That girl is an international star! She makes millions, dawg! Not some obscure daughter of an Alaskan politician. Please, this is A-Rod you’re talking to.”

 
It’s been a tumultuous year for Rodriguez.  In addition to his personal life becoming tabloid fodder, he was forced to admit in February to using anabolic steroids while with the Texas Rangers.  But it seems it is Letterman’s comments that rankle the three-time AL MVP the most.

 
“Come on, I just stole Guy Richie’s girl, bro.  ‘Swept Away.’  Ever seen it?  ’02? Stared Madge? Adriano Giannini? Sweet flick, put it in your Netflix queue. Guy Richie film. He’s a talented director. And I got his woman.  Or take Kate Hudson.  Dude from ‘Marley & Me’ tried to kill himself over that chick, that’s how money Kate Hudson is.  And now she’s with me.  Levi Johnston?  He’s not worthy of having his girl stolen by me.  I’m the youngest guy ever to hit 500 home runs.  What’s he, the youngest guy ever to build an igloo?  And what’s with the name ‘Levi’?  If I were named after a pair of jeans, I’d be called ‘True Religion-Rod.’  So seriously, Bristol Palin?  Fuck you, Letterman.”

The Yankees host the Mets tonight at 7:05 pm.