Archive for August 20th, 2009

(Schaumburg, Illinois) – Motorola has announced today that they have reached an exclusive deal with Verizon for a phone, set to hit stores for the holiday season.

“We want our clientele to have a more intimate cellular relationship with the over weight, mustached 3rd base coach, and Verizon can help us do that,” said Dr. Sanjay K. Jha, Co-CEO of Motorola.  “With Motorola and Verizon , the Razr Shines V3i has created a crossroads of art, commerce and technology which feels good for both sports fans and cell phone lovers alike.”

Jha went on to say “We felt there was an untapped market of consumers who were searching for a cell phone that fit their specific lifestyle.  As the third base coach who has waved home the least amount of runners in the majors, the Razr Shines V3i is perfect for the cell phone user who rarely needs to make a phone call.”

When reached for comment, Razor Shines said “Ohhh yeah.  Rakin it in baby.  First Aquafina now Motorola, you know it baby.  2 words for  ya’ll… RED MOTHERFUCKIN LOBSTER, well 3 words I guess.”

The Razr Shines V3i will consist of a soft, bloated shell.  The phone’s technology is more aggressive than consumers are accustomed to but early reviews suggest it comes up just short with less than 2 outs.

Last night, Yankees Pitcher Chad Gaudin tried his best impression of former Yanks Pitcher, Jim Abbott.  Although the kind gesture was appreciated by most, his form was terribly terrible.  First, it was on the wrong hand, second, he’s looking in the wrong direction. 

This problem of bad impressions by Chad dates back to his Chicago Cub days when he tried to impersonate Astros Sex Beast, 1B Jeff Bagwell.