Miami – Earlier this week the Mets announced they were shutting down yet another pitcher for the remainder of the year.  Oliver Perez will have season-ending knee surgery, but General Manager Omar Minaya assured Mets fans that the 28-year-old lefty would be back in time to once again suck by spring training.

“Our medical staff is confident that Ollie’s knee will be healthy enough for him to get back on the mound by spring training in time to frustrate, disappoint, and wear out our bullpen once again.  We look forward to it.”  Perez, meanwhile, was equally optimistic.  “The doctors tell me my injury is pretty common and it’s an easy surgery to perform,” Perez said while whiping his ass with a hundred dollar bill.  “So Mets’ fans can expect to see the same pitcher out there in 2010 – jumping over foul lines, sporting high socks and a sweet thin beard, and getting my pitch count into the 80′s by the fourth inning.”

When asked by a reporter whether he felt it was ironic that the journeyman pitcher Fernando Nieve’s injury was a far greater blow to the team than that of the $36 million man, Perez, Minaya responded by asking, “What does ironic mean?”

And in a related story, Perez’s accountant, Alan J. Lipowitz, was released from the hospital late Thursday night after having surgery to repair a hernia he sustained by lifting his client’s paychecks all season.

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