Archive for August, 2009

Update:  6:35 PM: Winner:  This Guy says: “holdout has ended…Tucker Ashford give me my shirt!”

Good job, email us your size and address

"You've probably never heard of me"

Update 5:30 PM: Had 56 AB with the Mets (told you it was hard)

Update 5:15 PM: Scrub

Update 5:00 PM: He played in one season with the Mets in the early 80′s

Original Post:

A free Oh Murph shirt to the first person who correctly names this former Met.

Just to let you know, this one is not easy.

I added player pissing for visual effect.

For all Hole Camels had to say about the Mets last year, he really didn’t do a great job backing it up.

The Mets bitched Camels around for 10 hits and 4 runs in 5 innings pitched.  Good job Hole, you look like  girl with that hair cut you call “yours.”

(Schaumburg, Illinois) – Motorola has announced today that they have reached an exclusive deal with Verizon for a phone, set to hit stores for the holiday season.

“We want our clientele to have a more intimate cellular relationship with the over weight, mustached 3rd base coach, and Verizon can help us do that,” said Dr. Sanjay K. Jha, Co-CEO of Motorola.  “With Motorola and Verizon , the Razr Shines V3i has created a crossroads of art, commerce and technology which feels good for both sports fans and cell phone lovers alike.”

Jha went on to say “We felt there was an untapped market of consumers who were searching for a cell phone that fit their specific lifestyle.  As the third base coach who has waved home the least amount of runners in the majors, the Razr Shines V3i is perfect for the cell phone user who rarely needs to make a phone call.”

When reached for comment, Razor Shines said “Ohhh yeah.  Rakin it in baby.  First Aquafina now Motorola, you know it baby.  2 words for  ya’ll… RED MOTHERFUCKIN LOBSTER, well 3 words I guess.”

The Razr Shines V3i will consist of a soft, bloated shell.  The phone’s technology is more aggressive than consumers are accustomed to but early reviews suggest it comes up just short with less than 2 outs.

Last night, Yankees Pitcher Chad Gaudin tried his best impression of former Yanks Pitcher, Jim Abbott.  Although the kind gesture was appreciated by most, his form was terribly terrible.  First, it was on the wrong hand, second, he’s looking in the wrong direction. 

This problem of bad impressions by Chad dates back to his Chicago Cub days when he tried to impersonate Astros Sex Beast, 1B Jeff Bagwell. 

(FRUSHING, NY) – Seizing the moment after the Amazins’ thrilling 8-run 4th inning last night, the Mets announced they will be taking pre-orders for the team’s 2009 Season Highlight DVD, to be titled “76 Winning Ways.”

“We felt there was no better time to make this announcement than after last night’s exhilarating 4th inning hit parade when team and fan morale was at its season’s peak,” explained David Newman, the Mets’ Senior Vice President of Marketing and Communications.  “Because, I mean, let’s be honest.  That shit ain’t happening again.”

It truly was a unique turn of events.  With a depleted lineup that caused manager Jerry Manual to briefly fall asleep as he was filling out the 6th spot in the order, the Mets lit up Braves’ pitcher Derek Lowe for 8 runs on 10 hits in the 4th inning.  Louis Castillo and Gary Sheffield each had two hits in the frame, an achievement only outdone by Daniel Murphy’s 0-for-2.

Oliver Perez picked up the victory as he once again nobly battled into the 5th inning to qualify for the decision.

Last night’s 4th inning will take up approximately 38 minutes of the 60 minute video.  Additionally, “76 Winning Ways” will feature such 2009 highlights as Ryan Church missing third base, Louis Castillo’s dropped pop up versus the Yankees, Daniel Murphy’s stint in left field, Livan Hernandez’ spot in the rotation, and Keith Hernandez’s awkward early-season remotes from the Shake Shack. 

The Mets will also sell a bonus tape which will feature a commentary track from the Mets training staff.

Congrats to Bethany Knox who knew that the man dressed up as Colonel Sanders was SNY’s veryown Ted Berg.

You have just won 2 Tickets to the Mets Vs Phillies game for next Monday. 

Come back for more contests, as we know we have to buy our friends.

Also, thanks to Ted for being a good sport.

Just received an awesome response from a “fan” of ours!  The domain he came from appeared to be a site from Philadelphia.

Either way, I love it

E-mail : Confused@gmail.com
URL    :
Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=173.15.178.57
Comment:
What is the point of this site exactly? Your description references The Onion, which I suppose is necessary because otherwise we’d have no idea that you are attempting humor. Where they are always clever and often laugh out loud funny, you tend towards being small minded, cruel, and dull. I really don’t get it at all. What, exactly, did Daniel Murphy do to you anyway? Perhaps ignore your request to autograph your Power Rangers Lunch Box?

(NEW YORK) – An MRI taken Tuesday revealed the cause of Alex Cora’s dual thumb injury was due to “excessive amounts of This Guy! jokes.”

A first, early speculation was that his thumb was injured because of striking out, both at the plate and at late night clubs.   However, the feeling coming from the Mets front office suggests it was during a rain delay in mid June that Cora first caught wind of this joke.

“Its just been wear and tear over time”  Mets head trainer Ray Ramirez said.  “It wasn’t one incident, it happened over months of pissing people off with humor from the 90′s.”

Cora isn’t the first player to be plagued with such an injury, which is said to be brought on by an eagerness to endear oneself to teammates with cheap humor, as well as having plenty of free time not having to worry about a pennant race.

Now the question I pose to you, Alex Cora, who’s laughing now…. THIS GUY!