Archive for September 3rd, 2009

Update:   DING DING DING… Winner!

Original Post:

Another day another contest…

Rules:  First person to leave a comment with the name of the former Met below wins an Omir Santos Signed baseball.  IN ADDITION…. our friends over at True Rivalry will give the winner a free Phuck Philly shirt

In a post 2 months ago, you’ll remember I went to his signing.  Sounded great at the time, but now I’m thinking what the hell am I going to do with an Omir Santos signed ball.  So you can have it!

This contest will go on until someone gets it right, which I think might be a few days.

 Good luck!

(September 3, 2011)  – The New York Mets today announced through their interim PR director Matt Cerrone that David Wright will return to game action just 9 days after suffering what appeared to be a carreer ending and life threatening injury.
 
After suffering a beaning during the 2009 season at the hands of then San Fransisco Giants pitcher Matt Cain, Wright was never able to end his fears of a subsequent beaning. Repeatedly trying to improve his head protection, Wright became obsessed with finding the ultimate prototype helmet, and during the August 16th game against the Atlanta Braves, Wright suddenly collapsed in the on deck circle under the weight of 7 inch thick lead and cement lined helmet. The helmet’s weight, estimated at 136 lbs, became a handicap to Wright and a concern to teammates. Ironically, the injury occurred 2 years to the date of the Cain beaning.
 
“Damn, when it takes you more than a minute to run to first base, you know your batting average is going to suffer” said Jeff Francour. “I mean, I don’t know how he could still swing a bat, but he hits a two hopper to the Mo Zone and gets thrown out only 8 feet from home plate, that’s an issue in my book.”
 
Wright suffered a collapse of his spinal column and lay motionless for several minutes, everyone feared the worst. “When he came to, he told Rickey he wanted to get back in there, but he just couldn’t move” said Mets manager Rickey Henderson. “That’s Rickey’s kind of player”.
 
The Wilpon family funded a special surgical team that was able to take Wright’s head and implant it in what’s being called a “Robocop” type body in reference to the 1987 cyberpunk movie. “You just don’t find that type of hand-eye coordination everyday, and we needed to try anything to preserve it” said Mets GM Bobby Valentine.
 
The grueling 48 hour surgery performed by Dr. David Altchek was a first ever of its type. “Yeah, it was a full two days, but it really wasn’t that hard on us. I mean we took a break when the welder’s came in and had some Thai takeout, and then were able to watch “Madmen” when the electricians were working” said Altchek.
 
Some suspect the huge contract extension that Wright received after the 2010 season motivated the Wilpon’s to try to get the most for their money. “David’s like family to us, he was very involved in this decision and we wanted to support him anyway we could. As you know, money is no longer an issue around here” said Jeff Wilpon in reference to the wildly successful sale of the Mets Fanwalk bricks which now line the entire Citifield parking lot, Northern Boulevard, and parts of the Grand Central Parkway.
 
Wright, appearing in three rehab games with the Brooklyn Cyclones after the surgery, performed way above expectations. Batting one handed, Wright amassed 7 homeruns, and 4 other times completed a rare steal of home. “I can’t believe how good I feel” said Wright, “the weight of the world, so to speak, is off my shoulders” Wright was also able to cover shortstop and leftfield at the same time while playing third with his new advanced BioMechanic body. “This definitely helps our depleted minor leagues, not having to find players to fill the roster to play those positions at the major league level” said Mets director of player development Bobby Bonilla.
 
Rumblings of complaints about Wright’s performance enhancing Robobody prompted a phone call to the commissioner’s office. “Hey, there ain’t no rule against it, we’re gonna let it play out and see what happens. Our surveys show this has peaked fan interest, and anything that gets meat in the seats is good in my book” said Commisioner George W. Bush. GM Bobby Valentine remarked “Hey, after what we suffered through in the ‘90’s with every Yankee on steroids, we deserve a break”.
 
Cerrone also announced that Jay Horowitz would return to his position next week after undergoing a modified version of the same surgery as Wright’s. “Jay’s experience just can’t be replaced”, said Cerrone, “with this surgery the Mets will get at least 40 more years out of him before the plutonium needs to be refreshed.”
 
In other Met injury news, Jose Reyes and John Maine, still out since 2009, will attempt separate rehab programs. Reyes will attempt to wear a cup for 15 minutes and then be evaluated. Maine will again attempt to sign his paycheck after a two week rest since his last signing.