Archive for September 17th, 2009

In an attempt to recoup some  stolen missing cash the Mets have announced the new and improved version of their annual Fantasy Camp.  With many former fantasy camp attractions currently serving time this year the Mets will be offering a once in a lifetime opportunity.  By attending “Mets Disaster Camp Winter 2010” you get to change your point of view and suffer on field with the 2009 team, instead of the wasting away you are used to in your current setting of Bar/Citi Field/Friends house/Studio Apartment and truly live the 2009 Mets experience.   Here’s how it works:
The camp starts out with a flight to scenic Port St Lucie, with the highest of expectations.  You and fellow campers will get hyped up before the plane even takes off.  There will be talk of World Series potential, MVP Candidates and the like.  Upon Arrival in glorious Tradition Florida you will move into your living quarters (don’t worry, they kicked the minor leaguers out last week and changed the locks!) and that’s when the fun begins!
Slowly but surely, you and your fellow campers will one by one go down with injuries of a wide variety.  Maybe you’ll get out of bed and stub your toe?  Perhaps you’ll slip on the suspiciously wet bathroom floor?  It could even be something weak as pulling a muscle while sneezing (Sosa Style!).  However it happens you will be getting injured within the first 72 hours. 
See Team Doctors, get misdiagnosed, you will even have the opportunity to give a press conference and tell the media that you will be back in two weeks when you know damn well your injury is season ending.  The fun don’t stop!  I mean really, what could be more fun than having your hip checked out by the same guy who worked on Delgado’s?
During the games which fantasy camps are known for, you will take the bench and be joined by none other than Jose Reyes who will show you the proper techniques to:  bouncing around the dugout like an idiot without aggravating your injury further, flipping souvenirs to kids behind the dugout, and perfecting that look that says “Oh man, I really wanna get back on that field, if I only got better medical advice”  Throw a bullpen session with Maine and then leave after 10 pitches with a touch of soreness.  You do it all!
This fantasy getaway ends with your dreams getting dashed as Jerry comes to inform the team you are too far back, too injured and that its time to start th inking of next year.  All participants will be given a gift bag with all the must-haves for a successful season such as: Official Mets Gauze, Ice Packs, crutches, oh yeah there’s a baseball in there too and of course what every Mets fan could use right about now, those pills the CIA uses to erase peoples’ minds because you know you don’t want to remember this.
So sign up now, space is limited, and hey look those Wilpons need the cash.  When the winter meetings come around don’t be surprised if the Mets can’t sign any free agents so pony up and contribute to the cause unless you’re satisfied with the product on the field now, then by all means enjoy your winter as you were.  The cost of this years camp will be $10,000, I know its twice as much as last years price but like I said, the Wilpons need your dough.  They accept cash (preferred), money order, or shady Ponzi scheme pitches (these guys never learn do they?)  No personal checks, please.
 
By the way, since no one bothered to introduce me yet, my name is Niles and I’ll be posting here.  Follow me.