Archive for September, 2009

As the lowly Mets saunter on into ATL to face the Braves my mind wanders off to a place it probably shouldn’t be, the past.  This series was supposed to have some juice what with the whole old rivals thing but there really isn’t much to say regarding a team that’s already been eliminated and the other 6 or 7 games out depending which standings column you’re checking.  Well here’s something.  Maybe, just maybe the Mets can muster up some pride and play spoiler here.  Hell, even if the Braves were 10 games out of the wild card we should still want to slap them around.  Perhaps, these Mets can show a little life here and give us all something to look forward to next year(see below).  I’m not optimistic (I’m a Mets fan) so here are some other bits of news to keep you entertained while this season drags on:

Lenny Dykstra Steals FROM HIMSELF!  Has Mold
It seems as if Lenny Dykstra has stolen (from his own) home; In an effort to pull a fast one on auditors who were appointed to oversee his finances.  One of the items removed from the house he purchased from Wayne Gretzky for a reported $17.4 Million was a French Stove valued at $40K.  Furniture was also stolen and presumed sold.  His other property recently suffered an unfortunate pipe burst and is now mold ridden.  I hope Lenny doesn’t insist on his meals being prepared on a designer stove because I’m pretty sure where he is going making grilled cheese on the radiator is standard operating procedure.   I’m sure Koosman has this down pat by now.  Read the whole article here.

 2010 Schedule Released!
Yes its already time to start thinking about next season, well in fact I’ve been thinking about next season since probably about mid july when I realized this ship we all sail on was sinking fast.  You can already start making plans for next year.  Highlights include, opening at home against the Marlins (I get it, if we play them first next season we will have better fortune then the seasons when we end against them) We go to Philly at the end of April and welcome the Phils to Queens at the end of May.  Interleague Away is at Baltimore and Cleveland and Interleague at home will be Twins (Ohh Santana vs Twins) and Detroit.  Of course the loveable Yanks will be at Citi and We will be in the Bronx (May and June respectively)  Check the whole schedule here

On Friday, Reliever Elmer Dessens said his 2007 Range Rover was stolen from a hotel near Citi Field after he left it with the valet.

“Dessens was visibly upset, but the irony was not lost on him. ‘Can you believe it happened in the same valet lot I originally got it from? Man, I worked hard to steal that thing after getting called up. I promised myself that when I made it to the bigs, I’d reward myself with a car that was no older than 5 years. Part of my first big league paycheck went to the f*cking valet guy to take a walk’

In a perhaps related story, Toby Stoner made his big league debut the other night with the Mets, tossing a scoreless inning while fighting twitches and restlessness, exhibiting symptoms of withdrawal.”

Editor’s note: apologies to Herman Hesse

Siddhartha sat now in front of the light. Another day had turned into evening, yet he knew of his self and of his journey and had found the truth that this year would be like other years. That the promise of the spring gave way to the realities of the summer and then the quietness of the fall was again the truth.

Yet Siddhartha was drawn by the light to watch the master who had once been the master that he followed, and had fallen and had disappointed Siddhartha but now was the master again for this night.

Pedro had become enlightened once more and now brought pain to Siddhartha again but in a new way, a way Siddhartha did not deserve.

Siddhartha sat on the floor and began his meditation into the light. The seventh inning over, he was certain that Pedro would no longer cause him pain. For, surely, as had been his custom, Pedro would leave with the 100^th pitch thrown as he had done so often when Siddhartha followed him.

But here was Pedro again, out for an eight, out beyond what Siddhartha had learned to expect. Certainly the master had tempted the fates and this would be his undoing, but there he was and who was he? Not the man that Siddhartha had watched the last 4 years. One out, two outs, disbelief came over Siddhartha.

But then a hope, a thought, Young Daniel Murphy would hit one over the fence and humble the master the way he had been humbled before in the last 4 years. The pitch came in the bat came around and the ball flew, not quite over the fence but good enough! A double for Young Daniel Murphy and Siddhartha felt pride, felt a possibility of the fall again of the master and his truth.

Siddhartha breathed deeply as his teachers had showed him with his legs folded under him and he listened to chatter from the light as he continued to stare into it. Siddhartha’s mind was now clear of thoughts except for the singular thought of Murphy scoring the tying run.

Siddhartha began his chant, saying the Om inwardly at first as the teachers had instructed him. “Om….Ohm…..OhM…..Oh Murph! how do you get your self thrown out at third in a one run game with 2 outs?!?!?”

With that Siddhartha doused the light and again knew the truth. He heard the words in the distance, “Sid, are you coming to bed? Ya gotta get up early tomorrow. Why are you still watching those losers?” and, once more, he knew the truth.

(New York) – In keeping up with his usual douchebaggery, rapper/lyrical genius Kanye West stormed the offices of MLB today when he caught wind the award for MLB Player Of The Week was being handed out.

After first screaming at his assistant in front of MLB Offices as to why he wasn’t invited in the first place, West then completly lost it when his assistant informed him that he was informed he wouldn’t be performing or presenting the award.

Still drunk on Cristal and White Girl Tears, Kanye then blew a gasket when the award was given to Javier Vazquez of the Braves and Billy Butler of the Royals.

Rushing the stage and grabbing the mic from an MLB Rep, West launched a into a tirade that rivaled any of his previous outbursts.

“Billy Butler? Butler? You kiddin me” “This guy had an alright week but my man Jermaine Dye, I mean sure his bat been quiet but he reps CHI TOWN TO THA FULLEST”

“No love for the CHI?”  “South Side Stand UP!” West screamed with a wild look in his eye.

He then went on to say something that was either inaudible or people stopped giving a shit but I’m pretty sure it was something to the effect of “If someone from the CHI didn’t get the award it should have been Beyonce” Before being escorted from the podium.

Kanye West was given a 50 game ban by the commisioner for public obstruction of an awards ceremony so we won’t have to worry about him for the rest of this season, but mark my words he will outdue himself in the catagory of “I’m a self absorbed asshole” before spring training.

Kanye West really needs to be put in his place.  The attitude this guy has is terrible and he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants by apologizing via twitter the next day.  Atleast when ODB did the whole “rush the stage thing” he was saying his own album (remember “Wu is for the children”?) should have won.  Kanye was kissing his boss’ wife’s ass and thats just lame.  I mean Video of the Decade?  All the Single Ladies?  Sure its a catchy tune but not video of the decade. Personally I think that Single Ladies song send a bad message.  There is nothing cool or award worthy about pressuring guys into marriage.

Big shouts to Taylor Swift, pure class on her part.

AP – In a bold and unexpected move the Mets have fired their HOF radio team of Howie Rose and Wayne Hagen and replaced them with Kyle Singh AKA “Sand-wedge Kid”.

In case you aren’t familiar,  “Sand-wedge Kid”  burst onto the NY baseball scene last week after winning a contest at his school.

Mets brass were quite impressed with the young Indian broadcaster after he called one inning of last weeks Mets/Marlins match up and decided that he had what it takes to finish out this season in the booth and stay on for next season.

“We like his style” Said Mets PR guy….

“His delivery is smooth and creamy, it reminds me of mayo” chimed in another

Other factions within the Mets were elated by the decision.  An unnamed source reported that Subway has extended their sponsorship with the team for another decade.  ”The kid knows his sandwiches” said Jared

Even Mets players seemed to be on board with the idea.

“I like the kid but you never know how long this baseball thing might last” Mike Pelfrey was overheard saying.  ”I could be making sandwiches for a living next season if I don’t get my game in check”

While recent call up Toby Stoner said he was “Always down for a sandwich”  Sounds like that Stoner has got the munchies.

When it came down to it, as with most deals in the game it was dollars and cents that tipped the scale.  Howie and Wayne.  Sure these guys do a decent job.  But they know they do a good job and made the Mets pay for it.  Luxury Transport, Hotel Suites, Fine Cognac and Cigars, Steak dinners.  The only thing this young whippersnapper asked for is bread and bologna.

Although fame does come with some critics, to hear Craig Carton rip Kyle a new asshole, click here

To follow Kyle Singh (not this Kyle Singh, but an older Kyle Singh from Australia) on face book, click here

OK guys… I am posting a video from my good friend growing up, DJ Lubel. DJ is a funny, funny dude who is a rising star and believe you me.. I’m posting this so when he makes large amounts of cash I can roll with him.

This video is with Scott Baio…. enough said. Also, check out the rest of DJ’s videos with are money all around.

Check out all his videos here

Please support DJ so he can continue to get lots of __________ (fill in the blank)

Update:  It appears that our goal of 100 million will not be reached based on the current count, so that’s why we are lowering the total 75 Million.

Original Post:

Mr Ed

We at Oh Murph are starting a mission to get Julie Alexandria back on Beer Money.

We need you… the father, the mother, the child, the fan, the construction worker, the lawyer, the politician, the person against having a less hot host with a horse jaw, the hard worker, the slacker, the student, the car driver, the one who prefers motorcycles, the ugly one, the one with a big mole on your face (gross), the socks and sandals wearer, the nympho, the disenfranchised, the poor, the hungry, the weak, the one legged, the acne prone, the slutty college freshman, the slutty college freshman who put on 15 lbs since high school, the Kenny Power like former jocks, the men who give themselves Strangers once a week….the Mets fan……………..the Julie Alexandria fan………..THE BEER MONEY FAN

We need 100 Million people to comment on this post so we can get SNY to bring Julie back, cause lets be honest, were not watching Beer Money for Carlin and were certainly not watching it for Mr. Ed.

We won’t stop until we reach 100 million comments.

There is power in numbers.  Spread the word

Earlier today, The Metsblog broke news that the Mets will soon be announcing the signing of 17–year-old Japanese LHP Taiki Kawasaki to a minor-league contract, reports NPB Tracker.

According to the report, since leaving Japan last year, Kawasaki has been training at ‘Prime Time,’ Julio Franco’s baseball academy in Florida, where he has added velocity to his fastball, while working on his slider and curveball.
 
OhMurph.com has obtained an exclusive copy of a letter from Kawasaki to his parents
 
(translated from Japanese)

Dear Momasan and Papasan,
 
Greetings from Camp Prime Time.
 
I am happy and proud to tell you that your $2500/month investment in me is finally paying off. Mr. Francosan has finally found a team that will pay me to throw a baseball. I am so happy to be getting a contract from the team of Shinjo, the New York Mets.
 
Of course things have not been easy for me here. The language barrier, the cultural differences, being force-fed pounds of eggwhites from Francosan (he says they are eggwhites). At least the facilities are honorable with each room named. My bathroom is named Portosan, for example.
 
My big breakthough came a few weeks ago. Francosan said that I would be ready for the major leagues when he could no longer pull my fastball pitch. Now instead of grounding my fastball to Tony Fernandezsan (our fielding instructor) at shortstop, Francosan is poping up to first base. My goal has been reached.
 
To be able to get out a recently retired major league player makes me feel very good, although sometimes I’m still unsure. You see, during our last pitching session Francosan fell asleep while I was pitching to him. He spoke in his sleep something about “I can still play”, “why did Willie hate me”. I am worried that my pitching is uninteresting.
 
Please send Francosan one more check. He says he needs it to give to Mr. Minaya of the Mets for a Thank you present, some type of American custom I guess.
 
Love and Respect,
Taiki

With Derek Jeter only 3 hits away from tying the Yankees all time hits record, Jeter went 0-8 in the Yankees day night double deuce;  Which prompted the Daily News to jack our trade mark.. and spelled it wrong in doing so…

Its quite apparent, Daily News, that you are using Mr. Jeter as a pawn to get to us.  You feel threatened by us and this is all you got?