Archive for October 7th, 2009

Joba Chamberlain has been relegated to the pen for the opening series against the Twins and he couldn’t be happier (see picture to right). They’ve done a pretty good job taking a once feared reliever and turning him into a mediocre at best starter. I’m starting to wonder if my ex-girlfriend is part of the Yankees upper management because I haven’t seen this type of psychological torture since we dated. We know you’ve all heard about the “Joba Rules” but it turns out the ones you hear about are only a fraction of the ones on the books for the hulking Cornhusker. Us here over at Oh Murph were able to get our hands on some of the other rules you might not have heard.

For instance, all the places Joba goes on his downtime must be approved. Some of the approved places are Toys R Us in Times Square for Ferris wheel rides, The McDonalds Play Place (the cool one on Lexington with the extra large ball pit and adventure castle) and selected video arcades, although they encourage he not play sports related games at all. This posed a problem for Joba the other night when he heard Johnny Damon and Nick Swisher were going to be playing beer pong with Reggie Jackson at a Midtown watering hole. Well it turns out they were only starting the game at 8:30 and Joba’s bedtime is 9 so he was only able to come for a few minutes, after of course the location was approved and Yankee handlers accompanied him. They let him play one game and filled his side of cups with Pepsi. The 15 tosses Joba made were deducted from his pitch count and he was tucked in by 9:15, shhh don’t tell Hank or Hal.

It goes on: When Joba is in the locker room he must have all his beverages in a sippy cup as his constant slippage has annoyed many of the veteran players. When riding in a vehicle to and from games his car seat must be facing the rear of said vehicle. No pizza after 7. He must brush his teeth with the bathroom door open because Girardi caught him just running the water and saying “All done!”

In all seriousness, I hope this kid has a good post season because if he doesn’t he might be a wreck forever. I mean all the restrictions and everything else has definitely screwed him up. They did a great job so far declawing this bear, and what’s a bear without claws? Pretty much a rug.

Oh Murph: Well Mr. Stengel, it’s an honor for us to speak with you. I won’t ask you how you feel since, basically, you’ve been dead for a while. 

Casey Stengel: Yup, kicked off in 1975. It ain’t so bad though, we got the dish network a couple of years ago so I’ve been able to follow the Mets on SNY. Also, the internet connection is great up here, talk about Broadband. I’m a big fan of the Oh Murph site, by the way. 

OM: Wow, who knew? We’re humbled that you follow us, Mr. Stengel. 

CS: Call me Casey, son. Don’t call me Mr. Stengel or Charles Dillon. Yes sir, love the site, RoboWright, now that stuff cracks me up. 

OM: So you said you follow the Mets? What did you think of the 2009 season? 

CS: The Ol’ Perfesser ain’t sheddin’ any tears over it. 70-92? There’s a team that didn’t try to hard. Heck, you want to lose a hunnert games you gotta put some effort into it. In ’62 we went 40-120 and it would have been 122 losses if that damn rain didn’t cost us two. 

OM: So let me get this straight, you actually were trying to lose? 

CS: Absolutely! Look son, we weren’t gonna win nothin’ that year, best we could possibly do was maybe eighth place. But hell, what would thata got me? Everybody remembers that ’62 season, a record in Futility, I’ve heard it called. See that 37 up on the wall, why do you think that was retired?  

OM: OK, so lets get back to this season. What went wrong? 

CS: Well first of all, what the hell were they doin’ playin’ in Ebbet’s field? Nobody was happier than me when they tore that place down, then they go and rebuild it. What was that about? I liked Shea, nice and round. These fellers they got playing outfield in Ebbets they don’t know what they’re gonna run into. 

OM: Actually its not Ebbets, its called Citi Field. 

CS: I’ll agree to that, it was pretty shitty there. But listen, I saw that press conference the other day with that guy that has my job now, Jerry somebody. Blamed everything on the first base coach and the old bench coach. What the heck is a bench coach anyway? Since when does a seat need a coach? That Jerry guy says we’ll have to work on this and that next year in Spring Training. Well, if he knew that why didn’t he work on it this year? Ever heard of practice? These guys get paid too much to practice during the season? 

OM: Well, they also had a lot of injuries. 

CS: You call those injuries? What the heck was that? In my day you played until you couldn’t walk. Disabled list? You didn’t get paid if you didn’t play. They kept showin’ that Reyes feller doin’ all them fancy drills, but not playin’. Heck, tape it up and get out there. Guess that’s why you need a bench coach, for all them guys not playin’ on the bench. 

OM: So Casey, you think that Jerry Manuel didn’t do such a good job? 

CS: Actually, I think he lost a lot of respect. I’m famous for sayin’ “ I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill” but you know I did play quite a few years and got the record to prove it. Now, you look up that Jerry feller’s playin’ records, a lifetime .150 hitter. You know once the players see that, all the respect goes out the window. And that Warthen feller, the pitching coach? Look up his record and tell me he knew what he was doin’ 

OM: Casey let me ask you about Young Daniel Murphy… 

CS: Not now son, I’ve been dead 34 years and I need a nap now. Good luck with the website, change that damn banner sometime, its all blurry. 

OM: Thanks Casey.