Archive for December, 2009

Dear Mr. Upton,
 
My name is Merle Ball and one of the nephews saw on the Interwebs that you had done some story about a new relief pitcher for them New York Mets. Our friend and neighbor Robby Dickey is now a member of the Mets. I thought I would pass on some information fer ya on Robby so you could write that up also.
 
We still call him Robby here; his name is Robert Alan, that’s where he gets that R.A. from. We all go way back. The Balls have lived downhill from the Dickeys for many generations here in Nashville. ‘Course ‘round here we say the Balls live just below the Dickeys, but heck, that’s just common knowledge.
 
We both live a stone’s throw from the pond over yonder, the one that backs up to the Chemical Plant. The Balls and the Dickeys spent many a day playin’ and fishin’ in that pond so I guess we know more about Robby than most.
 
Some of yer Met fans may be worried that Robby’s missin’ that elbow part, the Ulnar Collateral Ligament, the Doctor’s call it (the nephew wrote that in fer me). Heck, let me tell ya that’s nothin’ to worry about. There’s many people here missin’ this or that body part. There’s also a bunch that have extra (the nephew has six toes on his left foot). So we believe that what the good lord giveth he also can taketh away.
 
But let me tell ya some more about Robby. Heck that boy grew up throwin’ everything he could get his hand on. Yeah, his arm stuck out kind of funny what with that Ulnar thing missin’ and all, but Robby just chucked stuff all the time, that’s how he got so good at pitchin’ a baseball.
 
‘Course ya might not know that Robby has several major league records. One is he gave up 6 home runs in one game. The other is he threw 4 wild pitches in one inning. But in 2008, he led the majors in games started with fewer than four days of rest, with six, so that’s probably why your Mets signed him, what with the pitchin’ problems they’ve had.
 
Well I hope that helps ya and I hope that Robby has a good year up there with y’all.
 
Sincerely,
 
Merle Ball
Nashville, Tennessee

The Mets biggest move this off-season has been the signing of Japanese Free Agent relief specialist, Ryota Igarashi. Igarashi is projected to slot in as the eighth inning specialist, setting up K-Rod.  OhMurph contacted Igarashi’s agent and the following interview was arranged.
 
OhMurph: Welcome to the US and the New York Mets.
 
Ryota Igarashi: Thank you.
 
OM: What did you do with your newfound millions Ryota, buy a new Toyota?
 
RI: Is that how this is going to go? Oh I get it, Ryota rhymes with Toyota. You a funny guy or something? I want a comedy break I read tweets from Eli from Brooklyn not from you round eye. Toyota? No Toyota for me. You buy one of those you might as well check out. I got some serious coin, I just ordered a BMW 650i. What you got Turkey?
 
OM: Sorry. Well, let’s try my second question, How does it feel to be the new Putz?
 
RI: You got some serious issues, big nose. You think I don’t know what Putz is? Make fun of the Oriental, he won’t know what you’re saying. Is that where you’re coming from? Think I never went to the Catskills? You know how many times I go to New York in my life? You ever go to Woodbury Commons on a weekend? Announcements are in Japanese there, wiseass. How about I buzz you with a 95 mile per hour fastball? American Turkey.
 
OM: Honestly, I don’t mean to offend you. Let me try this question, um, How does it feel to be teammates with Young Daniel Murphy?
 
RI: Are you kidding me? I’m sitting here Bozo, let’s talk about me. Man, I didn’t know my agent was this bad. I coulda got a few more mil if I signed with Boras and not put up with this crap. Sayounara, Dough boy, I’m outta here.
 
Well, it looks like the team will be adding a little attitude this year anyway.

As mentioned last week.  The same jerk off’s who brought you OH MURPH will be bringing you METSFAIL.COM.  This site will be up sometime in the near future and certainly before this team has any more hope.

As I will be continuing with OH MURPH along with Niles Standish and B.S Upton and of course Co-Founder Osse Jorsoco will never leave our hearts but head up this new endeavor with a team of 5 people including myself who will be able to bring you site that is update quite frequently.

Again, we appreciate your support all along and look forward to bringing you more non-sense in the near future.

- KC

Check back soon………………..

What are we thinking?

Why isn’t Oh Murph talking trades, free agents or Henry Blanco? Is that what you came here for?

Don’t we care about that stuff?

Yeah, sort of.

Don’t we want the Mets to win?

Of course we do.

But we know that’s not what you come here for

Accoring to ESPN, “An Arizona appellate court ruling has disclosed that former Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Scott Schoeneweis’ wife died from an overdose of cocaine and an anesthetic, lidocaine.”

Initial investigations into her sudden death indicated that the game-winning Wes Helms homerun Schoeneweis gave up on the final day of the 2008 season finally landed on her head months later 2000 miles away

DEVELOPING….