"Five years of my childhood as the kid of a Mets player are flashing before my eyes. Please think this through, Daddy"
“Daddy? If you sign with the Mets are you going to turn into Jeremy Burnitz? And can I have that new Pony now?
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If DEADSPIN knocked up THE ONION and the baby had Irish good looks, it'd be... OH MURPH!
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“Daddy? If you sign with the Mets are you going to turn into Jeremy Burnitz? And can I have that new Pony now?