Dear Mr. Upton,
 
My name is Merle Ball and one of the nephews saw on the Interwebs that you had done some story about a new relief pitcher for them New York Mets. Our friend and neighbor Robby Dickey is now a member of the Mets. I thought I would pass on some information fer ya on Robby so you could write that up also.
 
We still call him Robby here; his name is Robert Alan, that’s where he gets that R.A. from. We all go way back. The Balls have lived downhill from the Dickeys for many generations here in Nashville. ‘Course ‘round here we say the Balls live just below the Dickeys, but heck, that’s just common knowledge.
 
We both live a stone’s throw from the pond over yonder, the one that backs up to the Chemical Plant. The Balls and the Dickeys spent many a day playin’ and fishin’ in that pond so I guess we know more about Robby than most.
 
Some of yer Met fans may be worried that Robby’s missin’ that elbow part, the Ulnar Collateral Ligament, the Doctor’s call it (the nephew wrote that in fer me). Heck, let me tell ya that’s nothin’ to worry about. There’s many people here missin’ this or that body part. There’s also a bunch that have extra (the nephew has six toes on his left foot). So we believe that what the good lord giveth he also can taketh away.
 
But let me tell ya some more about Robby. Heck that boy grew up throwin’ everything he could get his hand on. Yeah, his arm stuck out kind of funny what with that Ulnar thing missin’ and all, but Robby just chucked stuff all the time, that’s how he got so good at pitchin’ a baseball.
 
‘Course ya might not know that Robby has several major league records. One is he gave up 6 home runs in one game. The other is he threw 4 wild pitches in one inning. But in 2008, he led the majors in games started with fewer than four days of rest, with six, so that’s probably why your Mets signed him, what with the pitchin’ problems they’ve had.
 
Well I hope that helps ya and I hope that Robby has a good year up there with y’all.
 
Sincerely,
 
Merle Ball
Nashville, Tennessee