Archive for February 23rd, 2010

I was hoping my return to the site would be a seamless transition where I got back to work and that was that.  But Oh Murph has been inundated with questions and rumors regarding my departure and return so I’d like to take this chance to clear a few things up.
I’d like to apologize to my colleagues, as well as the readers, fans, degenerates and for all those who enjoy the content here on Oh Murph.  I have treated you all unfairly and I really wish it had never gotten so out of hand that I would need so many months away. 
When you write for a site with the massive magnitude that Oh Murph has,  the whole experience can get larger than life in the blink of an eye.  What started as a comical observation about a kid with an Indian accent quickly spun itself into an out of control lifestyle that one can only maintain for so long before it all comes crashing down.  With everything at my fingertips that anyone could possibly want, the excess and debauchery were both imminent.

Many things have been said but I want to specifically address the notion that physical violence was in some way involved when it came to the surface that I would need a break.  I never struck Kid Carter nor did he, B.S Upton or  Osse  ambush me on the 32nd floor of our parking garage at Oh Murph Headquarters. 

Please leave them alone and remove the media circus from outside their respective homes.  They did nothing to precipitate this. 

 
Also, ladies, I will no longer be accepting your advances in the form of getting flashed at red lights and impromptu lap dances in the aisles of supermarkets.  The former I discovered is a serious driving hazard and the latter is the reason I’m no longer allowed to shop at my local Pathmark.  
This is all part of my treatment and I hope to continue with my success.  I appreciate your support and look forward to a great season and beyond.

 
All the best,

Niles Standish

 
Ps  If you work for a popular website, and you see something I wrote and think to yourself  “hey that’s a good idea, I think I’ll rip that off” Can you do me a favor?  At least do a better job.  You guys get paid a lot of money, I do this for fun.