Archive for March 2nd, 2010

Dear Mr. OhMurph,
 
Well, I cannot believe that a year has gone by already.
 
I’m writing to you so that you can help me put the record straight. You seem like nice dudes and you tell some good stories and help to get the truth out.
 
It’s a year later, and I’m still getting grief about that whole injecting ARod stuff. I mean, just today I turn on the iPhone and click it on my Twitter feed and I’m seeing jokes about ARod’s cousin doin’ this and doin’ that. Always the punch line, I’m sick of it hombres.
 
I didn’t even know what he was talking about. You know Alex is so whitebread man, he says to me “Hey, Yuri, go down to the Dominican and get me some bola”.
 
I’m like, what does he want with more bola? He’s a beisbola player, he can all the bolas he wants, they’re on the ground, they give them away to the fans, they got buckets full of bolas. They can’t play the game without a bola.
 
So I say to him, “Like what you want man, a footbola? You got beisbolas already.”
 
He’s like, “Yuri, what’s with you? Did I say it wrong? Bola, boli? You know what I’m sayin’, get me some of those DR roids”.
 
So you know Alex gives me the coin for the the trip and I get some boli and hide it in my bag wrapped up in my dirty underwear in a cigar box. I come back to his place and say “Here it is man, your boli. Have Fun”.
 
He says “No Yuri, man, you can’t leave, you gotta inject that stuff for me”.
 
I’m ain’t no Doctor man, I thought you’re supposed to drink it or pour it on your Wheaties or somethin’, but he’s sittin’ there with a box of needles ready to go. So I say “OK, roll up your sleeve dude” and he’s like No man, you gotta shoot it into my butt cheek”
 
Well, like Michael G. Baron says, I don’t swing dat way man.  Last thing I want to do is look at that knarly butt. But you know he is my cousin, and he gets me tickets and stuff so I do it.
 
And you know, if it was up to me that would have been the last time. I mean, the way he said it, it was like I was chasing him around the room with a needle trying to get him to pull down his Brooks Brother’s chinos. That ain’t the way it happened.
 
I hope you guys can help me get this word out and tell the world that Yuri ain’t no bad dude.
 
Yours truly,
 
Yuri