Archive for March 27th, 2010

Where I grew up, we didn’t think it was polite to discuss politics, religion, or money. That didn’t stop your Democratic Uncle from calling your Republican cousin an idiot especially after they had a few pops from the blackberry brandy on a Sunday afternoon. But religion and money did kind of sit on the sidelines.

So what’s with today’s professional athlete?

Everybody knows how much money they make so that’s really not an issue; it’s been that way for a long time. Yet, you never really hear them chatting their bucks up.

What you do hear on a regular basis is the topic of religion, seemingly interjected on a haphazard basis, possibly in a way that was never intended by the respective religions?

The following interview conducted by Kid Carter with our own Young Daniel Murphy is a prime example.

Kid Carter: Daniel Murphy, it’s a pleasure meeting you again! Thanks for agreeing to talk with us.

Daniel Murphy: Give Thanks to the Father and may he bless you.

Kid Carter: Yeah, uh Murph, Wassup with the J-Fro Bro?

DM: Bless you for noticing. It brings me closer to his image.

Kid Carter: Wow, I feel like I answered my doorbell too quickly on a Saturday morning! OK, Well, listen it was great to see you working with Keith Hernandez a few weeks ago. How was it learning from the best?

DM: Keith is a nice guy and a Gold Glover, but the Lord is my Shepherd.

Kid Carter: Um, Murph, I’m a little uncomfortable with the religious statements. I think that your fans really just want to hear about baseball.

DM: Baseball is a gift from the Lord and I praise him for it. And unto my fans, do not follow me for I shall error (Ed. Note, especially in left field), follow ye the Lord.

Kid Carter: Whoa Murph! The biblical speak is really scaring me. Please one more time, just baseball?

DM: Sure, just kneel down here with me.

KC: OK, why are we doing this? Some type of bunting drill? I’m into that.

DM: Hold my hand…

KC: wait, what?

DM: Pray with me son.

KC: Murph, please!

DM: Oh Lord, exorcise the demons from the heathen Kid and deliver him from evil.

KC: Heathen? I’m Jewish!!!

DM: Lord, baptize this heathens soul…

KC: What are you doing? What are you pouring on me? THAT BURNS, stop!

DM: That’s holy water son, we’re almost done, repeat after me, The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!

KC: OOOOOHHHHHMMMUUURRRPPPHHHH! I just wanted to ask you what you thought your batting average was going to be. You’re, You’re doing an exorcism on me!!!

DM: We’re done son, you’re going to be fine now.

KC: But wait, I, uh, oh…. Yes. Bless you Daniel.

[OhMurph denies any similarities to any characters in this post to any living, real people. OhMurph apologizes to all religions in advance, but really, we were just ripping off the exorcist a little at the end, so relax about that. OhMurph also apologizes to Metsblog for using the italic text in one of our posts]