Archive for September, 2011

Greetings Murphaholics.
It’s been a while since we did one of these contests and I can’t think of a better reason to give something away. This week I celebrated my 2 year anniversary here at Oh Murph and it just happens to be my compardre Kid Carter came across one of the original orange Oh Murph t-shirts! (Size is 2XL)

Thats right people, the shirt that started it all could be yours free of charge. We used to sell these things but I’ll just send it out to you like nothing. It’s real easy, here’s what has to be done. Just be the first one to comment on this post with the titles of my first three posts. That’s it! I’ll send you the shirt plus some other Oh Murph stuff we have laying around HQ. I’ll even throw in a signed copy of my first post (personalized or not it’s your choice).

They say fashion is cyclical right? So you should really want to be wearing this Oh Murph shirt and bring back the fashionable days of Spring 2009. Do me a favor though, don’t tell Uncle Sol about this. He gets really touchy about “giving things away”. Lastly, I know Murph didn’t finish the season but if someone told me in 2009 that at the trading deadline of this season he’d be in the top three in average I’d have responded to them with a hearty “Oh Murph”

Good Luck and Murphily Yours,

Niles

I’m posting this for Uncle Sol because he’s really down right now. He was quietly (yes he does some things quietly) working on a passion project, his very own debut album. Unfortunately a late night session at the OMDC Recording Studio (The Murph Factory) led to an unnamed Cohiba smoker leaving a smoldering stub in the ashtray. I don’t have to tell you what happened next, but the demos were destroyed. In true “Stop Worrying” fashion I remembered Sol had the lyrics saved on his iPhone. So now without further delay I present to you the lyrics from Sol’s forthcoming mixtape. It’s called “Dom and Cohibas” Volume 1 available for download real soon. Just like every other rapper this summer, you know Uncle Sol had to get on that “Otis” beat. Enjoy:

OY! I invented swag (I could charge for it?)
Poppin Dom while I make my nephew takes a cab! Proof
I think I could use a vacation now, Truth!
New Cohibas in, you know.
The brand new Segway I got 2 of those
Riding arm out window, driver side: Manny
You know who my team is, OhMurph, Danny!

“Damn Sol and Manny, where the hell you been?” ****Niles says this line****
The Caddys getting detailed ,Stop Worrying!
It’s like I adopted my nephew, and his dumb friends
Now I’m about to cut their whole allowance off again (receipts)
Didn’t see me I was in my other NetJet
Last week I was in my other other NetJet
Fell asleep in the bathroom woke up in Paris, wanna bet?

I make trips to Tahiti just to use a phone.
Nova Scotia for some tests, I couldn’t go alone. (Took Raul)
2 week vacations minimum, you loco or loca?
Back to the office for 3 hours then right down to Boca.
Beat the case out in Vegas, I don’t mean to brag
But my amigo Kirk Gimenez had the judge in a bag.
Coming back from vacation you know I’m never hurrying
Porsche has a bumper sticker it reads: Stop Worrying

Welcome to Oh Murph
Smoking Cohibas on my own turf
You seen Osse? I still pay him
Murphstercard applications piled up, I was on vacation!
When Sol says Stop Worrying! nod don’t repeat.
I’m in it for the revenue you’re in it for the retweets.
Might start charging to fees to my followers
It’s the Oh Murph team, not applesauce swallowers

Manny, Raul, and Sol

Whatever happened to Kirk Gimenez?

The debonair SNY anchor of Geico Sports Night took the Twitter world by storm quickly building to the 1K follower level. The man was a tweeting machine, and dominated the format with quick wit and friendly banter, seamlessly blending in Spanish phrasing. He eventually added in his patented “Live Tweeting” during his Sports casts.

Of course the Oh Murph crew was all over this encouraging Kirk to use “Sweet sassy molassy” and the greatest call of all time, “Ohhhhhh Murph!” during GSN.

Then after 5000+ tweets in the space of a few months, nada. On or about July 13, Twitter changed. The silence was deafening.

Kirk stopped tweeting.

The Twitter world waited and wondered. Why did “mi hermano” abandon us?

Oh Murph had to know what happened. The 24 hour candlelight vigil held in Guttenberg, NJ produced no answers.

Why had Kirk left us?

The end of August brought a few sparse random tweets from Kirk, but nothing like before. Then the beginning of September saw a few more touting the “moves like Jagger” catchphrase. Was @KirkSNY back?

Finally, yesterday, this tweet from Kirk:

“About to jump out of a plane. Skydiving in Vegas! Say a prayer for me, please!”

Finally a clue!

Oh Murph Investigations worked the wires and finally unearthed the reason for the disappearance of Kirk Gimenez from Twitter.

He’s been working in Vegas on the movie “The Hangover, Part III”

Hey, you there! Uncle Sol here!  I finally had Manny take me out to our OhMurphDotCom Murphandise warehouse on Long Island and let’s just say Irene was less than kind when she blew through.  Being that we’ve got a warehouse full of damaged goods and it’s a holiday weekend I figured why not pass the savings along to you?  So Stop Worrying!  It’s the OhMurphDotCom Water Damaged Murphandise Labor Day Extravaganza!

Remember those 10,000 Olly Perez jerseys I acquired in while I was on business in Tahiti? Gone! Kaput! Waterlogged!  So, those Perez jerseys cost your pal Uncle Sol $129 each right? Well I’m knocking the price down to $124.99 AND unlike other Perez attire which make you wreak of failure, these are prepackaged with the “sweet smell of success”.  Is it just regular water damage?  Did that puddle of stagnant water that collects on the roof play a part in the aroma of your new pungent apparel?  You may never know but the savings are too good to pass up.  All sizes from xxs-5xl available. Except Double Medium which has already sold out.

Our last cases of Daniel Murphy Speedo bathing suits were damaged in the storm as well.  No better way to show off your love for Murph and your package at the same time.  White Speedo Screened with Murph’s face on the crotch area and “I’m With 28” on the rear; brown water damage also on the rear, this is the one item no Murphaholic should be without.  I never hit the French Riviera without a suitcase full of these babies. Originally $59.95 now only $54.46  S-M-L-XL-XXL

Lastly I have a game used Mo Vaughn jockstrap.  Unfortunately this wasn’t damaged in the storm but I kind of wish it was.  Make me an offer and maybe I’ll bite.

To be eligible for this sale all items must be purchased with your MurphsterCard, Cash or Gold.  Dom Perignon can be traded for any of these items.  Items can’t be delivered by US Mail, Fedex or UPS as I am currently in a dispute with these agencies for not delivering my packages  from the Cohiba factory in Cuba.  Therefore I will have Manny deliver these items on the Segway, sorry the Porsche is in the shop.  Delivery charges are $19.95 for every mile traveled plus expenses plus you have to buy Manny dinner when he gets there, Stop Worrying he’s not a big eater. 

So order now and have a great Holiday weekend.  It’s OhMurphDotCom, yeah we’re still open for business, Stop Worrying!

XOXO

UNCLE SOL