Archive for January 28th, 2012

Citing long term health improvements as well as certain financial savings, President Obama announced a bailout plan to save the New York Mets funded largely through provisions of the new Affordable Care Act, also known as “Obamacare”

The President announced the bailout during his weekly radio address. “We have seen the devastation that the Met fan has gone through the last several years and can clearly see graphically an increasing trend line showing both health issues and costs rising in the New York area”

Surgeon General Dr. Regina Benjamin has data showing an increase in blood pressure, stomach ulcers, and depression among the Met fanbase. “the other day I went into a Duane Reade in Queens and they were out of Zantac. Met fans have had it hard these last few years”

The estimated $1 billion dollar bailout seems exorbitant to the remaining Republican candidates for president, however, as a group, they have thrown their support behind this measure. Governor Santorum specifically compared the measure to certain failed energy investments the current administration has backed. “Hey, this administration has run up the deficit extensively investing in pipe dreams. This idea, however, actually seems to have some merit”

President Obama concluded his address with the hope that he could cite the Mets as “the new GM” in the coming years pending their turn around after the bailout.