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After posting this picture, Oh Murph headquarters received the following voicemail message transcribed below:

Heh, heh, heh, heh, yeah…..What?

OK, so like here’s the deal: drugs, did I do it?

Well, I guess I can’t afford Ryan Braun’s attorney on this major league minimum salary, you know? So I’m not exactly like Josh Hamilton, you know, like go out once in the off season and get completely bonkers in front of everyone for like 72 hours, heh, heh, awesome, yeah but not my MO.

But listen, I do remember peeing in a cup, handing it in, then saying, wait, wait, did I really do that? No way, no how, but, you know, like, I guess I did.

Next thing I know you Oh Murph dudes are photoshopping me into some kind of purple haze thing, serious? The tester actually got high from handling my pe, uh, urine sample, heh, heh, heh, yeah….What? No way. Ouch! My beard hurts!

So anyway, I’ll sit out 50 games, just like I did last year playing for your New York Metropolitanos, hahaha, politanos, too much? Nah, What?

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