Hey, you there! Uncle Sol here! I can’t believe the season is almost halfway done. Some players that make their living on the pitchers mound are like me without certain medication, underperforming! Well, I think I might have an answer for these pitchers. Stop Worrying! Your Uncle Sol can help!
RA Dickey was on a roll last year. Even though I prefer marble rye, I still have standards! Once he climbed that mountain though, Kilimanjaro whatever he’s been on another level. One that hasn’t been seen since Manny and I stopped at Mohegan Sun two years ago and I caught a hot hand at the craps table. I then caught something else after we ate at the buffet. Anyway, I Sol will take you, the underperforming or just plain untalented pitcher to the top of that very same mountain! That’s right YOU channel your INNER DICKEY at the summit with Uncle Sol!
I’m offering two packages:
All-Star Weekend Trip “The Quickey Dickey”
Get on track for the second half of this season! You obviously didn’t make the All-Star team if you’re considering this so don’t even act like you have something better to do. Instead of sitting around in your hellhole of a hometown with your pathetic high school friends getting drunk and telling them you’re “Still the man even though you suck right now” take this trip and maybe come back throwing a knuckler. Who knows, you might even get a big contract and buy new friends. You’ll never have to talk to those losers again!
Off-Season Excursion “The Extended Dickey Experience”
Not concerned so much with this season? Looking towards the future? Pitch for the Padres? Well I think option two is for you. It’s extended so you’ll need to allot 3-8 weeks for this trip. We’ll retrace Dickey’s steps exactly as he took them. At least you will, I’ll be on Segway the entire trip. Raul has a cousin in Tanzania you’ll be with him once the terrain gets too rough. Stop worrying! I’m brining my off-road tires! Anyway, on this trip we’ll have group sing-alongs by campfire, name your favorite Dickey moment, and so much more that we won’t be able to get to on the All-Star trip. Stop worrying, you’ll love it!
Book now space is limited. All trips include guidance from me, Uncle Sol, to the top of the mountain. Transportation, meals, lodging, protection, water, or anything else is NOT included in the price of the trip. Price still undermined however will be a multiple of 28. Cash and Murphster-Card are the only accepted forms of payment.
Uncle Sol Tourism is not responsible for any freaky third world fate that might befell you. This is included but not limited to kidnapping, forced labor, and limited Cohiba availiability. Stop Worrying, you’ve been warned!