Citing long term health improvements as well as certain financial savings, President Obama announced a bailout plan to save the New York Mets funded largely through provisions of the new Affordable Care Act, also known as “Obamacare”

The President announced the bailout during his weekly radio address. “We have seen the devastation that the Met fan has gone through the last several years and can clearly see graphically an increasing trend line showing both health issues and costs rising in the New York area”

Surgeon General Dr. Regina Benjamin has data showing an increase in blood pressure, stomach ulcers, and depression among the Met fanbase. “the other day I went into a Duane Reade in Queens and they were out of Zantac. Met fans have had it hard these last few years”

The estimated $1 billion dollar bailout seems exorbitant to the remaining Republican candidates for president, however, as a group, they have thrown their support behind this measure. Governor Santorum specifically compared the measure to certain failed energy investments the current administration has backed. “Hey, this administration has run up the deficit extensively investing in pipe dreams. This idea, however, actually seems to have some merit”

President Obama concluded his address with the hope that he could cite the Mets as “the new GM” in the coming years pending their turn around after the bailout.

Young Daniel Murphy has been tapped to play Santa Claus this year by the Mets.

David Wright asked Santa to move in the fences.

Terry Collins asked for a pitching staff.

Free agency is about to get underway and it’s business as usual in the Bronx. But if you thought the big topic being discussed was going to be CC you couldn’t be more wrong. No it’s not about Robinson Cano either. The first signing when free agency opens will be the guy who killed Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi.

While uncertain of what capacity he’ll serve the team, or even his name it is a priority to sign him regardless. After hearing that his safety was in jeopardy and he might be facing prosecution, Yankee brass felt they had no choice but to embrace the freedom fighting Yankee lover.

One thing is for sure, at the very least he can work with the maintenance staff in the plumbing department. He’s already proven to have a knack for clearing pipes clogged with pieces of garbage.

To fill the news void as the World awaits the Grand matchup between the Rangers and Cardinals, the Mets announced yet another addition to their uniform collection.

Calling it “The Ultimate Throwback” GM Sandy Alderson introduced the new uniform in the Jackie Robinson rotunda with our own Young Daniel Murphy modeling the first edition of Greek themed “toga-like” threads.

“We went with the Toga for two reasons” the highly intellectual and well respected Alderson stated.

“First, and admittedly foremost, our fanbase is one of the most knowledgeable baseball fans anywhere, yet they are also easily distracted. Let’s face it, this has worked for us time and again. We can’t get a team on the field that can actually play this game, we change the uniform. The fans eat it up.

Second, the Wilpon family is identifying with the current state of affairs in Greece at this time. They’re going belly up, we’re right behind them. Uh, strike that, Greek thing. Try this, they have a serious financial problem we feel their pain. This uniform is also, let’s face it, cheap. Buy a hospital grade white sheet, a few safety pins and we’re home.”

Gotta admit, I really got nothing.

So here is the picture, Virtual Murph in 3D.

Whattaya think?

Greetings Murphaholics.
It’s been a while since we did one of these contests and I can’t think of a better reason to give something away. This week I celebrated my 2 year anniversary here at Oh Murph and it just happens to be my compardre Kid Carter came across one of the original orange Oh Murph t-shirts! (Size is 2XL)

Thats right people, the shirt that started it all could be yours free of charge. We used to sell these things but I’ll just send it out to you like nothing. It’s real easy, here’s what has to be done. Just be the first one to comment on this post with the titles of my first three posts. That’s it! I’ll send you the shirt plus some other Oh Murph stuff we have laying around HQ. I’ll even throw in a signed copy of my first post (personalized or not it’s your choice).

They say fashion is cyclical right? So you should really want to be wearing this Oh Murph shirt and bring back the fashionable days of Spring 2009. Do me a favor though, don’t tell Uncle Sol about this. He gets really touchy about “giving things away”. Lastly, I know Murph didn’t finish the season but if someone told me in 2009 that at the trading deadline of this season he’d be in the top three in average I’d have responded to them with a hearty “Oh Murph”

Good Luck and Murphily Yours,

Niles

OY! I invented swag (I could charge for it?)
Poppin Dom while I make my nephew takes a cab! Proof
I think I could use a vacation now, Truth!
New Cohibas in, you know.
The brand new Segway I got 2 of those
Riding arm out window, driver side: Manny
You know who my team is, OhMurph, Danny!

“Damn Sol and Manny, where the hell you been?” ****Niles says this line****
The Caddys getting detailed ,Stop Worrying!
It’s like I adopted my nephew, and his dumb friends
Now I’m about to cut their whole allowance off again (receipts)
Didn’t see me I was in my other NetJet
Last week I was in my other other NetJet
Fell asleep in the bathroom woke up in Paris, wanna bet?

I make trips to Tahiti just to use a phone.
Nova Scotia for some tests, I couldn’t go alone. (Took Raul)
2 week vacations minimum, you loco or loca?
Back to the office for 3 hours then right down to Boca.
Beat the case out in Vegas, I don’t mean to brag
But my amigo Kirk Gimenez had the judge in a bag.
Coming back from vacation you know I’m never hurrying
Porsche has a bumper sticker it reads: Stop Worrying

Welcome to Oh Murph
Smoking Cohibas on my own turf
You seen Osse? I still pay him
Murphstercard applications piled up, I was on vacation!
When Sol says Stop Worrying! nod don’t repeat.
I’m in it for the revenue you’re in it for the retweets.
Might start charging to fees to my followers
It’s the Oh Murph team, not applesauce swallowers

Manny, Raul, and Sol

The debonair SNY anchor of Geico Sports Night took the Twitter world by storm quickly building to the 1K follower level. The man was a tweeting machine, and dominated the format with quick wit and friendly banter, seamlessly blending in Spanish phrasing. He eventually added in his patented “Live Tweeting” during his Sports casts.

Of course the Oh Murph crew was all over this encouraging Kirk to use “Sweet sassy molassy” and the greatest call of all time, “Ohhhhhh Murph!” during GSN.

Then after 5000+ tweets in the space of a few months, nada. On or about July 13, Twitter changed. The silence was deafening.

Kirk stopped tweeting.

The Twitter world waited and wondered. Why did “mi hermano” abandon us?

Oh Murph had to know what happened. The 24 hour candlelight vigil held in Guttenberg, NJ produced no answers.

Why had Kirk left us?

The end of August brought a few sparse random tweets from Kirk, but nothing like before. Then the beginning of September saw a few more touting the “moves like Jagger” catchphrase. Was @KirkSNY back?

Finally, yesterday, this tweet from Kirk:

“About to jump out of a plane. Skydiving in Vegas! Say a prayer for me, please!”

Finally a clue!

Oh Murph Investigations worked the wires and finally unearthed the reason for the disappearance of Kirk Gimenez from Twitter.

He’s been working in Vegas on the movie “The Hangover, Part III”

Hey, you there! Uncle Sol here!  I finally had Manny take me out to our OhMurphDotCom Murphandise warehouse on Long Island and let’s just say Irene was less than kind when she blew through.  Being that we’ve got a warehouse full of damaged goods and it’s a holiday weekend I figured why not pass the savings along to you?  So Stop Worrying!  It’s the OhMurphDotCom Water Damaged Murphandise Labor Day Extravaganza!

Remember those 10,000 Olly Perez jerseys I acquired in while I was on business in Tahiti? Gone! Kaput! Waterlogged!  So, those Perez jerseys cost your pal Uncle Sol $129 each right? Well I’m knocking the price down to $124.99 AND unlike other Perez attire which make you wreak of failure, these are prepackaged with the “sweet smell of success”.  Is it just regular water damage?  Did that puddle of stagnant water that collects on the roof play a part in the aroma of your new pungent apparel?  You may never know but the savings are too good to pass up.  All sizes from xxs-5xl available. Except Double Medium which has already sold out.

Our last cases of Daniel Murphy Speedo bathing suits were damaged in the storm as well.  No better way to show off your love for Murph and your package at the same time.  White Speedo Screened with Murph’s face on the crotch area and “I’m With 28” on the rear; brown water damage also on the rear, this is the one item no Murphaholic should be without.  I never hit the French Riviera without a suitcase full of these babies. Originally $59.95 now only $54.46  S-M-L-XL-XXL

Lastly I have a game used Mo Vaughn jockstrap.  Unfortunately this wasn’t damaged in the storm but I kind of wish it was.  Make me an offer and maybe I’ll bite.

To be eligible for this sale all items must be purchased with your MurphsterCard, Cash or Gold.  Dom Perignon can be traded for any of these items.  Items can’t be delivered by US Mail, Fedex or UPS as I am currently in a dispute with these agencies for not delivering my packages  from the Cohiba factory in Cuba.  Therefore I will have Manny deliver these items on the Segway, sorry the Porsche is in the shop.  Delivery charges are $19.95 for every mile traveled plus expenses plus you have to buy Manny dinner when he gets there, Stop Worrying he’s not a big eater. 

So order now and have a great Holiday weekend.  It’s OhMurphDotCom, yeah we’re still open for business, Stop Worrying!

XOXO

UNCLE SOL