Legend has it the wood was saved from the tree that St. Pádraig’s own Shillelagh, the one he used to drive the snakes out of Ireland with, was made from.

Turned by Leprechauns on a Golden lathe, the bat was aged to perfection and hidden for centuries in an empty tomb covered with a Celtic cross on the shores of county Wicklow overlooking the sea.

Irish immigrants brought the “Bat O’Murph” as it’s been known, to New York during the turn of the century. Hushed discussions ensued about the bat over the Sunday dinner table by stout men with heavy brogues. With their faces red from shots of Jameson, they decided the fate of the Bat O’Murph.

“There will come a son of Erin, Daniel will be his name, and he will be chosen to carry the Bat O’Murph.”

The bat was protected and handed down from Father to Son until one day it’s true owner was identified. In the transition after the confusion following the Charlie Samuels firing, a man walked directly into the Mets clubhouse and left the bat in the locker of Young Daniel Murphy.

The Bat O’Murph was finally home.

It’s been well documented what the Bat O’Murph has done. Young Daniel Murphy’s batting average is still third in the NL.

What has been unknown is the Curse of the Bat Of Murph.

You see once the bat was finally used, it was meant to be used continually. Murph being benched in the game against Atlanta set off the curse.

Now bad fortune has befallen those that have been near the Bat O’Murph.

The Legend is unclear on what will happen next.

Dear OhMurph,

Hey Murph fans. I know your there and you’re reading this. How’s it goin? Yeah it’s me, your old friend Jayson with a y. Why the y? As my Mom used to say, y not? Heh.

Listen you Mets fans, believe me I know your hate. When you guys hate something, like a Philly, you really go all out and never let go.

And that’s why I’m writing today. See, I heard about this #ImWith28 thing on Twitter. I thought it was about me! Heh! No way, it’s about your Murph which some of you really like and some of you really hate.

It seems to me, the ones that like Murph love his hitting number 1. Believe me top 10 National league is no easy feat. You also like his hustle, like in the ninth inning today when he threw that runner out at third on the bunt. Awesome spin move there. And the third reason you like him so much is you’re a chick. Yeah, we players all see you all line up pre game to get a glimpse of the Murphster, heh!

Then it’s those that hate Murph. H828! Heh! Just made that up! Well you say it’s because of his brainfarts, like today when he was on first, bases loaded, and he tagged up and I threw him out. Heh! Well we call that Murphy’s Law: if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. Hopefully that gets better with experience. You know the guy played one year of A ball and a half a year at double A before getting the call up.

But man the hate you guys have is enormous! It’s like this guy borrowed your new car and scratched it all up on you. Or stole your girlfriend. Wow, it’s amazing.

Maybe it’s ’cause Murph reminds you of -wait for it- you. Were you that kid lettin’ every ball roll through your legs or having the pop ups bounce off your glove? Yeah, that was you, I know it. Heh! Yeah, yeah I know you coulda gone pro but your Mom made you practice the cello, or you were trying to set a record on Donkey Kong, heh!

Just imagine if Omar was still there you might have me playin’ there everyday, Heh! Oh, I forgot, you already have a Jason, without a y.

Seriously though, I’d trade my season’s stats for Murph’s right now. So would a lot of other dudes out here, including y-less Jason.

Well, I gotta go see a guy I know about some new hair conditioner.

I’m with 28.

J.

The Beltran deal wasn’t the only one being done in Cincinnati this week.  In a move that shocked residents of the Queen City as well as fans of sugary sweet soft drinks worldwide, Reds Outfielder Chris Heisey signed an endorsement deal with Kool-Aid.  Caught completely off guard was his current sponsor and Kool-Aid rival, Hi-C. 

The Heisey family and Hi-C brand had ties that go back generations.  His Great-Great-Grandfather was a pioneer in the corn syrup industry.  His Uncle Egon Heisey was the genius behind Hi-C classic “Ecto-Cooler”.

Rumor has it that Heisey was pursued by Kool Aid only after negotiations broke down with Francisco Rodriquez who refused to have his Nickname changed from K-Rod to Kool Aid Rod.

It is believed that Flavor-Aid and Fruitopia were also in the running to sign Heisey but no serious talks took place.  We reached out to both Heisey and Hi-C but neither would comment.  When asked if the endorsement was a done deal Kool-Aid man said “Oh Yeah!”

SNY Broadcaster Kevin Burkhardt is back from his vacation and will be rejoining the team tonight in Miami, much to the delight of Mets fans. However, his time away from the team was not without controversy. As always, it’s OhMurph with the story behind the story.

The controversy began when Kevin and family boarded a cruise ship and was not wearing his trademark blue polo. When he emerged from his quarters later in the evening for dinner, Burkhardt again was without his trademark apparel. The OhMurph Leisure Department was all over this and discovered that no blue polo shirts made it on board with Kevin. This year Kevin and his polo shirts decided to take separate vacations.

Kevin went the family route and took a Disney Cruise with his wife and kids. His shirts on the other hand spent their time off relaxing out of the spotlight on the private island of Mustique. Despite the separate vacation destinations we are certain that all is well between Kevin and his blue polo shirts even though he was spotted throughout the cruise wearing various other garments including tank tops and v-necks.

The shirt fiasco was not the only point of contention on Kevin’s time off. With his popularity at an all time high, Burkhardt ruffled the feathers of some of Disney’s brightest stars. At breakfast one morning he was a bigger hit than the waffles shaped Mickey. When the characters lined up to sign autographs they were not pleased at all when the only lines in the dining room where at Kevin’s table. Men, women, and children alike lined up to get a glimpse of Kevin, who some were calling the “Ashton Kutcher of MLB”. The scene could have gotten quite ugly but rumor has it Gary Cohen made a call to the ship and offered the characters tickets to a game and a visit to the booth later in the season. Or he threatened them.

Inside sources have reported to OhMurph that the New York Yankees are very close to shipping overpaid starter AJ Burnett to a group of UK based protesters, Workers Against News Corp, or WANC. 

After the debacle that took place on Tuesday during the hearings at Parliament, WANC wants better equipped pie hurlers to get their message across.  No one is better suited for that job than AJ Burnett.  The Yankees are willing to pick up most of his salary and are only asking for a few hundred Cadbury Eggs from next year’s batch and 5 tickets to the new Harry Potter Movie. 

Interest is strong on both sides as one of the top protesters was quoted saying “It doesn’t seem like he’s very good at the whole pitching thing but he sure does know how to fling a pie, it seems like all he’s really good for.”  Burnett was overheard telling Joba that he is thrilled he might be able to take his true passion of pie throwing fulltime as well as sharing wisdom with the inexperienced protesters. “I’ll show um how it’s done.  Next time Murdoch’s wife won’t get in the way, I’ll sidestep her like she was Kim Jones.”

The Closer.

Bobby Parnell.

How’s that gonna work?

Bobby. OK, first mistake. I guess we didn’t know he was going to be a Closer. You got a hundred mile an hour fastball, you can’t be named Bobby and be a Closer.

What do we have to work with? Robert Allen Parnell. Can’t be R.A., we already have that, it’s taken. Robert Parnell, Rob, Bob, Bob Parnell, maybe.

Ladies and Gentlemen, now pitching for the Mets, number 39, Bob Parnell. Sounds a little better. Maybe a nickname? The Mad Hungarian, Al Hrbosky. Buzz saw Bob Parnell? The Nasty Bob Parnell? The Parn?

Closer. It’s the ninth inning. 100 mph fastball, 90 mph slider. Nasty stuff. Can’t be Bobby. Bob Parnell. Gotta turn that ninth inning into an event. Entrance Song? Gotta have it. It’s the psych. Frighten the hitters. What will it be?

How about the look? Fear the weird. Where’s the Closer Aura? Shut ‘em down. Grow out the hair? Shave it off? Beard? Fu man chu? Shades? Goggles? Big chain? Tattoo? What?

The Closer.

Bobby Parnell.

How’s that gonna work?

On Saturday afternoon the baseball world was getting swept up in “Jeter-Fever” and I’m sorry to report young Daniel Murphy was in on the frenzy. Only thing is in true OhMurph fashion things didn’t go as planned.

Shortly after the game started Murph had the idea to go watch the game in a local bar, to experience it with the people. He rounded up his posse of Parnell and Evans destined for the mean streets of Frisco. By the time the trio had reached the hotel lobby, Jeter had already gotten one of his hits back East. It was all people were talking about and the frenzy had begun. They sprinted for the lobby exit and Murph exclaimed: “I gotta see that 3000^th hit!”

That phrase caught the attention of an older gentleman with gray hair in a ponytail. He wore a tie-dye shirt and reeked of patchouli.

“Wanna see 3000? Come with me” He said.

The trio agreed as they didn’t have any other options. I mean he seemed like a nice guy and all. Before they knew it Murph, Evans, and Parnell were in a place called “Willie’s Medical Mayhem Dispensary” and as they looked around the smoke filled lounge area for a TV with coverage from The Bronx these young Mets found out they were witnessing history of a whole other sort.

By sheer coincidence, local hippy legend, Fillmore Rufus Sunburst was taking his record setting 3000^th hit out of the largest bong water pipe in Northern California. Murph, oblivious to the illicit activity, was instantly overcome by the aroma that engulfed the dispensary and had cravings he hadn’t had since that time someone told him he was getting a little heavy around the middle and starved himself for a week.

“Nick, Bobby we need lunch now, or candy yeah that’s it I need candy now”

Out of the corner of his eye Murph spotted a display of edible medicinal marijuana in candy bar form. He picked one up and unwrapped it, just as he was about to take a bite his cell phone rang. It was his Mom!

“Hey Mom, hang on a second I just have to take a bite of this candy bar” Murph said.

After his Mom yelled at him for five minutes about how it was still too early on the West coast to be eating candy, he remembered he really wanted lunch and his Mom was right. Candy would indeed have spoiled that. He calmed her down by telling her he found a great gift for her, a vase that was sitting in the glass display case right in front of him. Murph asked the girl behind the counter to wrap up the bong water pipe that was going to be a sweet gift for his mom, when he remembered he had something he wanted to remind Evans and Parnell about, lunch!

He found his compadres mesmerized and playing with a water fountain and Murph quickly joined them in agreement of really just how amazing a water fountain really is. Before they knew it two and half hours had gone by. They were oblivious to the raucous cheers that went up from the crowd that had gathered to watch Fillmore, when he finally took his milestone hit. Jeter had already touched um all for his 3000^th and they Yankees had already swindled a guy into taking a $15k tax hit in exchange giving them Jeter’s ball.

“Let’s get out of here guys, Yankees games are weird anyway. My mouth is dry and I’m kind of tired” Said Murph.

The trio strolled out of the dispensary without the bong water pipe for Murphy’s Mom, perhaps to get some lunch on their way back to the team hotel.

Onthefence about Murph?

Why would you be onthefence about Murph? What’s keeping you ontheedge of not liking Murph the way we do?

Is it his errors in the field that make you feel onthebrink of happiness that your smug opinion of Murph should be the reason that he should be relegated to the bench? Well, Murph has made 7 errors and that ties him for 42nd in the major leagues for most errors with a bunch of others. “That can’t be” you think, “Murph makes an error every inning”. Through 623 innings, Murphy has a .984 fielding percentage. “Who could have more errors than Murph?” That’s a long list. Here’s a few notables: Justin Upton, Justin Turner, Brad Inge, Dan Uggla, Miguel Tejada, Albert Puljous, Prince Fielder, Jose Reyes, Chone Figgans, Adrian Beltre, Ricky Weeks, and Hanley Ramirez. The bulk of those guys get to play 1 position most of the time while Murph has played at least 4 different positions so far.

Still ontheverge of cringing every time Murph walks into view on your dusty HD screen? It can’t be his hitting can it? You will grudgingly concede “yeah, Murph’s an alright hitter” but really, just how good has he been?

Murph currently is hitting .306, which has him in a tie for 10th place in the NL. You say “I know that, but the true measure of a hitter is how clutch is he?”

Let’s take a look at hitting with 2 outs and runners on, the most common of clutch situations. In the major leagues among players with 65 or more such at bats you have Adrian Gonzalez at .406, Kevin Youkilis at .352, Miguel Cabrera at .329, and Daniel Murphy at .324. One other player, Young of Texas at .307, is over .300 with that many at bats in that situation. So the only player in the NL hitting over .300 with 2 outs and runners on with 65 or more at bats is Daniel Murphy.

So it’s your decision just like the umpire that’s behind home plate. We think this decision has the ball onthewhite, a clear definite call of a strike for Murphy to continue to be a regular on this club. If you think the ball is on the black and not sure its a strike, well, maybe you need your eyes examined.

Everyone has been talking about Murph and the hot bat he’s been swinging but all the praise has led to a bit of confusion.  Murph felt he needed to clear a few things up and that’s why he faxed a statement to us over here at OhMurphDotCom as he knows this is the place people come for “all things Murph” and it read as follow:

“I’ve been hearing lots from the media and beat writers recently and I couldn’t let this go on any further.  I don’t want to hear anymore about me going “the other way”.  It’s simply not true, I’m interested in women and women only.  Ask the guys, they’ll tell you.  On the flights I read Maxim.  When people suggest dinner options Hooters is always on top of my list.  Also please stop asking me if I’m excited about our upcoming series in San Francisco.  I look forward to all our games equally.  Thank you for your time, now I must return to the normal activities a guy who likes only chicks does.”

Ironically, in true Oh Murph style when he came up to the plate in the 7^th  inning of yesterday’s game Murph, perhaps sending a message pulled it.