After a long debate of 20 seconds, we decided to change the name of this column from Dork of the Week to Murph’s Corner Bar.
 
Every ballplayer will one day become and ex-ballplayer and one day Young Daniel Murphy will be Ol’ Dan Murphy and we project him as opening a bar.
 
You know the bar, the one down the street, on the corner. The Old Man’s bar. A little run down, a little too much neon in the window. The cold beer there is golden yellow, served in small glasses, and Kid behind the bar, he’ll buy you back more times then you remember.
 
The game is always on the TV, the music is soft, and the conversation is always in process.
 
Today we’re remembering Willie Montanez.
 
Willie was the property of the Cardinals before he was traded to the Phillies. Interesting historical baseball note, Willie was sent to the Phillies because Curt Flood refused to go to the Phillies from the Cardinals. Yes, that trade for that Curt Flood, the one that eventually created Free Agency.
 
Willie came up with the Phillies in 1971 and starting in Centerfield had a great rookie season with 30 homers and 99 rbi, most of which seemed to come against the Mets.
 
In 1973, Willie moved to first base, his preferred position. It was then and there that the debate started. You see, Willie was the ultimate hot dog.
 
That should be capital letters as in Hot Dog with mustard, onion, relish, and sauerkraut on it. What did he do to earn that distinction? I’ll see how much I remember.
 
While walking to the batters box, he liked to flip his bat as a ritual. If he hit a homerun, he would slow down and take short stutter steps before every base. But in the field is where the show really was. Whenever he caught a ball he would snap his glove. On Pop-ups, he would snap it, then pretend to holster it like a gun. On throws from the infield, he would snap the glove and then take it behind his back to remove the ball, everytime. On throws over from the pitcher, he would fake the throw back and spin around to retag the runner.
 
Phillie fans loved it. Met fans not so much. Bob Murphy hated it and complained about it regularly.
 
Of course, a few years go by and Willie ends up getting traded to the Giants, then the Braves, and then in 1978 the New York Mets.
 
Kind of a controversial trade, in a 4 way deal, the Mets shipped out John Milner and John Matlack. They got Montanez, Tom Grieve and Ken Hendersen back. The last two guys I barely remember.
 
Montanez had a good season for the Mets in ’78, leading the team in home runs and rbi. This was the Joe Torre managed vintage Mets, so yes this was a last place club.
 
The hot dog complaining by Bob Murphy settled down a little, but you could see that it still bothered him.
 
1979 was a different story for Montanez. Maybe it was the depression of last place, maybe it was the act getting stale, Montanez only hit .234. Murphy was letting him have it on the Hot Dog act, in effect saying it was the bad baseball Karma catching up with him, and Montanez was shipped off to the Texas Rangers for 2 players to be named later. He promptly turned his season around for them, hitting .319 the rest of the way.
 
Yet another example of a guy that killed the Mets when he was on another team, then ended up killing them when he was on the Mets.

In addition to the widely reported changes at Citifield that include new blue and orange stairwells, a Mets Museum, a revised bullpen so that both sides can see the game (what a great idea!, must be easy to get an architects license these days), and the new lower Centerfield wall, OhMurph has once again gone underground to find a list of other changes designed to “enhance” the Mets efforts in 2010.

By investing prudently in the 2010 free agent market, and otherwise socking away millions, the Mets have been able to invest in the latest technology to improve their chances.

1. The Entire Outfield wall will be hydraulically actuated to articulate in two directions. In Layman’s terms, the fence will move in and down when the Mets are up and out and up when the opposition is at bat.

2. Special Chase Utley right field fence extender has been installed in the right field corner to raise beyond the other fence sections when Utley is at bat.

3. Radially actuated foul poles that will swing out when the Mets are at Bat and in when the opposition is at bat.

4. High-speed digital video editing to instantly make sure any of the video judgement calls go the Mets way.

5. SNY will mount a fast blip laser pointer on the centerfield camera that will hit the opposing batter’s eye a nanosecond after the ball release from the pitcher’s hand. We may yet see that first Met no hitter.

6. Auto tilt foul line area between home to first and third to home to make sure that those slow rollers up the line always go the Mets way. The third to home section can be raised an additional 27 degree to create a banked track so that Jose Reyes can score every time from second base.

7. An Electromagnetic field installed on the right side of the infield coupled with specially developed in-glove sensors to insure all balls hit that way will get into Murphy’s and Castillo’s gloves. Tests have also shown that this will also straighten out Wright’s throws from third.

8. Airborne drones disguised as seagulls that will be dispatched to intercept any ball hit that might clear the fence extensions listed above by the opposing team.

OhMurph suspects other improvements will be installed as the season progresses including artificial intelligence for Jerry Manuel, Omar Minaya, and Ollie Perez.

Is it Monday already?

On the baseball field in 1975, Mike Vail was not a dork.

Mike Vail was acquired by the Mets in a trade for the great Teodoro Martinez with the St. Louis Cardinals. Mike Vail had quite the year in 1975.

From a Mets fans perspective, 1975 was another frustrating year. Mets fans were wired a little differently back then. We had 1969 and 1973 as reference points that showed us that a poorly constructed team could be lucky enough to get hot and come from behind and compete. We still had the pitchers, we had Rusty Staub, and we thought we had hope.

But as the summer wore on, it was no shock that this wasn’t going to be a Mets year with the big Red Machine in Cincinnati and we are family in Pittsburgh. So sometime in June, or even earlier we started to hear about this kid rippin’ it up down in Tidewater. The Mets would be losing a game with maybe two hits total, and Ralph or Bob Murphy would let us know that down on the farm this kid Vail had 3 hits again.

The hype got hotter and hotter as the summer went on, with some reminders that the pitching at triple A wasn’t quite up to the big league level so calling up this Vail kid might not work out. Mike Vail went on to win the International League Player of the Year award in 1975. Although the announcers stuck to the line that we probably wouldn’t see him until September, if at all, suddenly at the end of August Mike Vail appeared in a Mets uniform.

Vail got into his first game against the Houston Astros and got a hit. He then proceeded to hit in a total of 23 straight games, setting a then Mets team record and a major league record for rookies (since broken). The fans couldn’t have been happier. A kid that actually lived up to the promise. No, on the baseball field in 1975, Mike Vail was not a dork. Mike Vail ruled.

So why are we writing about him here in the dork column (see criteria below re: Stork Theodore) ?

On the basketball court, Mike Vail was a dork.

During a winter pickup game, Mike Vail either got faked out of his shoes, or couldn’t fake left and go right, or closed his eyes to take a charge, or whatever and ended up with a dislocated foot, despite his Pro Keds, tube socks, head band and short shorts.

Not a big deal for a lot of teams, quite a big deal for the Mets.

You see bad GMing wasn’t invented over the last couple of seasons.

The front office decided that more starting pitching was needed, and they traded for the once great Mickey Lolich from the Detroit Tigers. Mickey had a great World series in 1968 winning 3 complete games and had been a steady performer. Of course, in 1975 it fell apart for Mickey and he ended up losing 18 games for a bad Tigers team. So who should the Mets trade for this aged star with an enormous pot belly? None other than Le Grande Orange, Rusty Staub. They probably thought Rusty was getting a little old and probably a little expensive, but hey with this new kid Vail what do we need Rusty for?

The trade was made and shortly thereafter Vail’s foot exploded and the rest is history.

Staub went on to have 3 consecutive years with Detroit where he had over 100 rbi.

Lolich came to the Mets in 1976 and went 8-13. He then retired after the season and opened a donut shop back in Michigan.

Vail finally came back sometime in 1976 with a noticeable limp and no speed and ended the season with a .217 average. He did a little better the next year, but was never what the Mets thought they had. He ended up leaving the Mets for Cleveland and played for 4 other teams as he ended up becoming a baseball dork also.

That’s it kids. Look forward to more remembrances from Bossman Senior right here.

Visit Oh Murph! for more…

So the other night I’m sleeping and this email comes in from Kid that I see the next morning:

how about an idea for an oh murph column.

each week… choose a baseball card.. like one that people will see and be like.. oh man i remember that one.. that guy looks like a dork….

then we chronicle their life, randomly…

remind me of this tomorrow when im not drunk please.

Yeah, that’s how job assignments are passed out here at OhMurph.

One person comes immediately to mind when you mention the word “dork” and he is the “Stork” George Basil Theodore. Now since I’m a man of a certain age, I would be the only one on the OhMurph staff who actually saw George play. Believe me, he was awful. Sorry George, if your reading this you might want to stop here and surf somewhere else.

The New York Mets in the ‘69 draft in the 31st round selected George. Just 4 years later in 1973, he was on the big league team. You think the minor leagues are a shambles now for the Mets. How this guy even got a uniform is amazing to me. 6 foot 4 inches tall and listed at 190 soaking wet, his nickname was well deserved, if you think a strange looking duck is a stork. The question of this guy making the team, as the 31st pick is: just how bad were the first 30 guys that he Mets picked that year?

George was famous for colliding with Don Hahn (a great fielding center fielder) during the 1973 season and George wound up with a broken hip (yes the DL was well used then also). George came back and actually got a couple of at bats in the World Series against the A’s, of course he was 0-2.

In 1974, following the Mets tradition of more or less standing pat after a World Series appearance, George was back, got into 60 games with 76 at bats and ended up with a .158 batting average. His career ended then, with a lifetime average of .219.

I didn’t think too much about George for a long time when all of a sudden he shows up to close Shea Stadium at the end of the 2008 season. How did that happen? How many people there said who the heck is this guy? Sorry, I’m not one of “those” fans who sits back and says “Oh yes, I remember that bumbling fellow, quite humorous”. Some People think getting Jason Bay was on the lame side. Before free agency, this is what you got kids, the truly lame results of your own farm system.

frighteningly, George hit .259 in his first season with the Mets. Yes, just 7 points lower than our own Young Daniel Murphy in his first season at .266.

Oh, and here’s that baseball card. If you have one of these, what’s it worth?

He may be taking time away from Young Daniel Murphy, but at least we get more of this…….

The Amazin’s recently sent some team members to the New York Child Learning Institute in College Point, Queens to give some children living with autism a chance to mingle with their role models.  Both during the season and off-season, the Mets organization is actively involved with local school and community events as way of giving back, and this particular visit to a school was no different – except for one team member who was conspicuous by his absence.  Pedro Feliciano, Omir Santos, HoJo, and even Mr. Met boarded the bus that morning to visit this particular group of special needs children.  But Daniel Murphy was nowhere to be found.

“How can I say this without sounding offensive,” Murph wondered when reached for comment about declining the invite to participate.  “Spring training’s a month away, and the last thing I wanna do is contract the autism.”

The Jacksonville school system teaches its students that autism is a communicable condition given to children as punishment from God for parents who conceive a child in anything but the missionary position, the Official Position of the Church®. Murphy, a product of that school system, claims he is simply being cautious about his health as he looks to secure a starting job as the Mets’ 2010 first baseman.  “I give a lot of credit to Petey (Feliciano) and Omir and them for playing with those kids without one of them swine flu facemask thingies.  I can’t afford to mess around with that right now, not with C-Del swingin’ a hot stick in that Rican league.”

When informed that autism is really a non-contagious mental developmental disorder children are born with, Murphy scoffs.  “Alls I know is that in the ’50s, people thought we’d be in flying cars by now.  Science doesn’t have all the answers, but this book right here does.  I don’t remember on which page Jesus says you can’t have the butt sex, but I’m just glad that my mama and papa read it.”

*Thanks to Schnizzle of MetsFAIL.com for input into this post’s concept

Hello fans of the 2nd best website ever,

I wanted to bring your attention to Oh Murph’s very own Osse Jorosco’s new Mets site that highlights their wonderful history.  Osse will be working with Schnizzle and Nasty Nick, while occasionally helping out Oh Murph.

I will have a very limited role on Metsfail besides being the editor in chief and removing all the extra commas Nasty Nick puts his his MetsFail posts.

I will continue to man the ship here at Oh Murph by delegating all of my duties to @Koosman3669  and Niles Standish.

You can follow MetsFail on Twitter by clicking here.

So, check out MetsFail and remember…. You can look but you can’t touch.

OhMurph would like to recognize the Over-achieving over-eaters in the News:
 
Today, Chris Christie, the rotund policto from NJ gets sworn in as its next Governor. After the ceremony, Chris will host a gala event with plenty of Big Macs to go around for all.
 
Rex Ryan, the cheesy fries eating coach of the Jets, has shocked the NFL by advancing his team to the conference championship round. No Gatorade showers for Rex as the portly professor could easily chugalug the entire cooler contents in a New York minute.
 
The Jets Nick Mangold, the Center from Centerville, Ohio tips the scales at 305 on a light day, but using his naturally padded abdomen has been a key for the NFL’s best running game.
 
Charles Barkley, the former Round Mound of Rebound and current triple thick milk shake slurpin’ Basketball analyst has enjoyed a surge in popularity, recently hosting Saturday Night Live to great reviews while filling up every pixel of that 52 inch wide screen HD TV of yours.
 
The way to success for today’s man is through his stomach!
 
So where does this leave our 2010 New York Mets? Clearly, they are way too far on the skinny side of the street.
 
OhMurph calls for a different training approach for the Mets. Forget the weight lifting, treadmill running, stationary bike spinning workouts. Its time to join the current trend and belly up to the table and chow down!
 
Of course there is precedence in Mets history for this approach. Who can argue the success of the rib-making rib-eating master Rusty Staub? How about the clutch pitching of the Heavy Hawian, El Sid Fernandez?
 
How can you be a Heavy Hitter if you’re light as a feather? If hitting is about weight shift, how can you hit when you have no weight to shift?
 
With only a couple of months before the season starts, it may not be possible to put on the pounds with the current squad. Is there still time for Omar to deal for Prince Fielder or maybe Miguel Cabrera? Can he wrap up the Benjie Molina deal already?
 
Of course OhMurph hopes this inspires our own Young Daniel Murphy to go out and load up on those Hershey bars, Pork rinds, and Cheese Doodles.
 
Work Less, Eat more!