Last night was heartbreaking. It was sad. It was downright ugly. No, I’m not talking about the Mets losing in last night’s World Series game 4. I am talking about having to spend the night at Citi Field in the Big Apple Seats with the so called 7 Line “Army” (I will continue to put army in quotes when referring to these buffoons, as they are the farthest thing from it).
Now admittedly, everything I heard about last night comes from a friend’s account of the experience, but Karen (not her real name) and I are close friends and I have no reason to believe any of this is not true.
Karen has been a supporter of the 7 Line in the past, through purchases of a few shirts over the years, mostly before Darren sold out, and was even friendly with Darren, but has never sat in the “Army” seats in the Big Apple section. She still received a code for World Series tickets (as did I for buying ONE shirt back in 20 12) and she managed to be lucky enough to get tickets for game 4. Karen is a huge Mets fan. She was ecstatic for this game, going with her best friend. I was there as well, and we were using Facebook Messenger to chat during the game.
Well it all started after Demi Lovato completed what I thought was a pretty damn good rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. Karen messages me “these fucktards didn’t remove their hats for the anthem.” Fine, I’m sure it wasn’t everyone, and I can’t say whether is was a higher percentage of people than in the rest of the stadium, but I know I didn’t see anyone around me in my 500 level seats with their hat still on during the song.
Throughout the game, Karen grew more and more annoyed with what she had to endure. “People are smoking out here without a care in the world,” was one message I received. “These 2 couples are getting up twice an inning to get beer. WTF?” was another. Later on she told me “The girl next to me just blew chunks violently and forgot she did. Because she kept drinking like it was nothing.” Those couples that kept going for beer? Well one of those women snuck people into the section and my friend’s row, basically forcing people to squeeze in and have to stand or sit on top of their seat(since 26 people can’t fit in 24 seats).
Now how about the guy with all those annoying signs? I’ll just let Karen give her account of it. “Yet I was questioned bringing my blanket in… This guy had SOOOOOO many signs. AND flags. AND food. He brought candy, sandwiches, little bottles of jack Daniels, it was like his own little studio apt. The pile of signs was literally 25 man roster deep. And Terry. And Chris Rock, Seinfeld, and others. But omg you’re gonna sit on your blanket? Yes. Yes I am. I can’t sit in my seat, I have to sit on top of it, so I need cushion.
Later on, more sign guy messages. “Omg the guy with the signs… Deflecting EVERY SINGLE SHIRT and keeping them all… T-shirt toss was a waste.”
Then there was an interaction with a member of the 7 Line Clown College (I kinda like that instead of “Army”) who questioned how Karen was able to obtain her tickets. Krusty apparently had no problem getting tickets to all three home games, which seems a tad bit suspicious considering he was supposed to have used a code to get tickets to ONE game and tickets were gone in seconds. But the fact that Karen got tickets with a code? That seemed to be impossible to him.
“How did you get these tickets? You’re not on the stub are you?”
” I got them with the code”
“You sure you’re not on the stub”
“Who are you to question me”
“But I’ve never seen you”
“You don’t sit here where do you sit”
Karen started to ignore Krusty. Krusty started hitting Karen on her hat as if to prod her to answer him. Finally Karen said something to him (She didn’t share her choice words), and his response was “take it easy, Stub.”
There was more from Karen about her experience, but for the sake of time, and my need to shower and get ready to head to the stadium for game 5, I will summarize them here. So called fans were giving up early, well before the 8th. The songs they sing are beyond terrible. Karen was ostracized for wearing blue instead of orange. She is in pain today from being banged around so much after Drunky McBitch snuck people into the row. Pukey McPuke berated Karen for not tagging a picture she posted on Instagram with the 7 Line.
Someone will ask why she didn’t do anything about the extra people in her row, the smoking, the puking, etc., and her response would be “I feared retribution from the rest of the section.”
Karen was so happy to be able to go to see her beloved Mets in the World Series last night. It’s sad that even if they had won, she would have left there utterly disappointed. Ringling Brothers, I think we have some new candidates for you. Long live the 7 Line Clown College.
Greetings Murph fans old and new alike and welcome to Oh Murph!
For many of you, this is your maiden voyage and might not be familiar with how we do things here.
First and foremost it’s “All Murph all the time” since we started back in 2009. Whether it’s an original “Oh Murph” moment or the otherworldly display he’s putting on now that has you saying “Oh, Murph!” if you’re looking for Murph you’re in the right place.
Many have asked, because we’ve been backing Murph since the very beginning “did you expect this?”. Like the rest of you, the answer would have to be no. What we did expect was solid hitting and being his usual impossible to strikeout self. If these weren’t home runs they’d be meaningful doubles and we wouldn’t be surprised at all. The guy is a professional hitter, always has been. The only thing new is he’s found his penchant for hitting home runs and next to “Professional Hitter” on his business card he can add “October Legend”
So thanks for stopping by Oh Murph! Hope you come back real soon and check out how Daniel Murphy has turned the “Oh” in Oh Murph into something completely different. When people say “O.H.” Murph now they’re really saying “Our Hero”. Enjoy the Series and don’t be surprised if you see “Our Hero” continue his “October Heroics”.
Hey! You there! Sol here.
My postseason has been going swimmingly, I even bought Julio waterwings!
The Dom has been flowing since Murph took off on this run and I hit the studio on my Segway to show him love.
You know “Truffle Butter” right? Drake? Nicki? Wayne? Well add “Sol” to that list!
Oh and for everyone saying “Sign this one” “Keep that one” I have two words for you: Stop Worrying!
The last time we were this close I was a young man in my middle seventies! Look at me now! Enjoy the ride!
Just know this, Murph is getting great financial advice. But who reps Cespedes? I bet he has ins at the Cohiba factory!
Thinking ’bout that
Murph just gained a couple million his last at bat
Hard to talk playoffs and not how he’s making pitchers crumble
Two things he’s about: getting hits and staying humble
Murphaholics ya here? Ya here right now?
Tell the haters “disappear right now”
Look ya getting all your friends
And ya getting in the car
Coming to the ballpark
Are we clear right now huh?
See he’s a post game fixture
Swinging a big stick sir
5 home runs real quick? Suuuuuuure
Shaking up the postseason picture
If not homers they would be doubles
Giving the best pitchers fits and troubles
Probably left some Cubs fans with bursted bubbles
Another one from Murph?
You know it. Uh huh…. Yeah (3x)
October 9, 2015
Dodger Stadium Visitors clubhouse
“Murph ready for your first playoff game?” an unnamed beat writer asked.
Tired of verbalizing, and ready to let his bat do the talking “Yowzers” he replied.
“Rough at bat Murph, hang with um!”
“Yowzers” he replied
*HOMERUN* Mets dugout
“You’re the man Murph!”
“You’re our hero”
“We love how you hit to all fields”
“Your defense bothers us not”
“If you aren’t offered a long term deal our morale will suffer”
“Yowzers” he replied
“Murph any response to going deep in your first playoff game?”
“Yowzers” he said
“Did you see the imprint of your name on the ball?”
“Yowzers” he replied
Game 2, 7th inning
“How can he be safe? He never touched the bag?” the Mets protested
“Yowzers” was all Murph could muster
Charter flight to NY
“Murph, they said we’re out of dessert options because you raided the cart preflight”
“Yowzers” he retorted a chocolaty grin
October 12, 2015
Citi Field Home clubhouse
“Murph you ready to get this done”
He didn’t reply this time, his looks said it all.
You know deGrom and Torres and Verrett and Parnell
You know Robles, and Colon, and Jeurys, and Goeddel
But do you recall
The most spoiled Mets pitcher of all
Harvey the spoiled pitcher
Doesn’t play by all the rules
Matt and his Agent Boras
Treat the fans as if they’re fools
All of the other pitchers
Just throw and avoid all the fame
They aren’t seen in public
Going to a Yankees game
Then this past Labor Day Eve
Boras came to say
Harvey with his pitch count high
He won’t be the go-to-guy
Now Harvey missed a workout
Claims he lost track of time
If he loses as game 3’s starter
The “Dark Knight” won’t be worth a dime
Hi. Daniel Murphy here.
I wanted to make an announcement that would make a big splash. Unfortunately, I haven't got the hook ups with Jeter like Harvey has. So I started to think about it and vaguely, very vaguely, remembered there was this website devoted to me somewhere on the internet.
So I started searching for it a few weeks ago. I searched for Go Murphy, Yo Murphy, No Murphy, So, Murphy, etc with no luck. Then I made a little slip up on the field the other day and I heard everyone yelling "Oh Murph!". Bingo! Here I am.
Anyway, I wanted to just say this. I'm here to play, just shy of 100% or not, and of course that means in the playoffs if and when we make it. You're gonna have to pull more than my quad to get me off that field.
And you don't have to work out any program for me. First, Second, Third, Pinch hit, whatever you need, whenever you need it.
I just wish there were some reporters around here that I could just tell this to instead of writing this here, but, hey, whatevs.
Daniel Murphy Queens Bureau Chief
May 27, 2016 OM Newswire
Terry Collins, Mets Manager in Perpetuity ( see ‘ Collins extended indefinitely’ , OhMurph, April, 2016) announced plans today for a new 12 man rotation configuration for the team’s starting pitchers.
“We’ve been thinking of this for a long time and since I’ve been doing this since before most of you have been born, I think its a great idea.” said Collins.
“What with Sandy refusing to trade any of our young pitchers, David Wright retiring and taking over for Steve Gelbs, and Murph being re-signed to a new 6 year deal, we thought this would be the next step for this franchise.” Collins stated emphatically.
“We have 12 bonafide starters here, how do we get them all the work they need, yet not shred their elbows like a bowl of pulled pork? Here’s what we’ll do: Two starters will work four innings of each game. Starter one will throw innings 1-4, starter two 5-8, they’ll each be limited to 50 pitches.”
Collins answered the question about the bullpen with “we only expect we’ll need six relievers like this”
The question was then raised about this new configuration only leaving roster space for seven position players when in fact the rules allow for eight on the field at one time.
Collins responded: “look, you think we don’t know that? You better have your bench coach make a phone call before you challenge me son. Let me lay it out for you, you ever see us use the shift? We use it more and more every year. We’ve come up with a shift for every player in MLB plus triple A. We don’t need that extra player when we shift. Also, when Noah starts, we’ll leave him in after the fourth to play right field, gotta get that kid four at bats. Same thing with Jake, only we’ll slot him in at Shortstop. Getting back to the relievers, we can have Carlos Torres come in in the fourth, move him to the outfield for three innings, then bring him back in the eighth. This team is flexible, we’ve had Dan Murphy play every position on the field, same with Flores and Duda. You think that was because we didn’t know where to hide, uh, play them? No, it was all pointing to this day”
“We’re gonna be cautious with this staff, no more TJ surgeries for these guys, one is enough”
Sunday was “Magnetic Trading Card” day at Citi Field featuring our very own Murph. You might think it was your run of the mill promotional event, but come on we’re talking about Murph. Do things ever go as planned?
Unannounced criteria to qualify for the giveaway were:
- First 28,000 fans
- Must be 28 or under a multiple of it
- Must be sub par at almost all tasks they try, but be willing to try them all, and be outstanding at just one thing
- Any leftovers will be donated to a government-funded project on how to eliminate errors at the workplace.
So, did you get a card?
*This post was sanctioned and coordinated by Oh Murph Dot Com in conjunction with Just Murph Dot Com*