The ultimate Wingman, Murph helps Harvey bag a supermodel.  If you’re on Murph’s team he has your back, on and off the field.

Everyone wants to know when Ike Davis is going down to the Minors, including Ike himself.  For a player with Ike’s potential, talking about a trip to Vegas is not an easy topic.  Having adjusted to the Major league lifestyle, salary and all those perks he has here in Flushing would be a great departure from the life of a player in the Minor leagues.  Even with all that and his pride on the line Ike still has a greater concern about being sent down.  He has really great seats for the Soccer match at Citi Field next weekend where Israel will play Honduras and doesn’t want to miss it.

That’s right, for the first time in over 35 years (or since at least 5737) the Israeli national soccer team will be playing in New York and Ike won’t miss it.  Just the thought of not being able to use his VIP Side Line tickets is enough to make him sick. They come with all access passes and an All-You-Can-Eat spread of falafel, shwarma, and more hummus than anyone could possibly want.  For all the time Ike has spent on the field he was looking forward to a nice evening in the stands watching others compete.  Unfortunately, this little slump he’s mired in (otherwise known in calendar terms as April-June) is standing in his way from the ultimate “I’m a Jewish athlete in New York but I’m just a spectator tonight experience”.

My advice? Get it going Ike! String a few hits together so you can stay in NY even past June 2nd.  Stop thinking about Soccer and worry about Baseball.  The match will probably end in a scoreless tie and it’s an exhibition anyway.We need you Ike, stay focused on the task before you otherwise you’ll have plenty of time to worry about Soccer in Vegas.

Unnamed Mets organization insiders have disclosed that Sandy Alderson has effectively enacted “plan C” in his pursuit of filling out the thin outfield corps in lieu of Michael Bourn signing with the Indians.

Alderson is now working on signing one or two from a group of players recently disqualified for future hall of fame consideration.

Specifically Alderson, ever looking to keep costs down, is considering Shawn Green and Jeff Conine, both ex-Mets. “We can get these guys on the cheap, plus we still have their old uniforms, so we won’t need new ones for them” said Alderson in a carefully considered and thoughtfully delivered statement.

“Of course, there is, for New York, a certain allure, to the fan, of an ex-Met, re-appearing.” stated Alderson in a sentence that took roughly 18 minutes to deliver.

Alderson also stated that at this time there were no plans to look at Julio Franco, however, if a need arises, there is enough cash to make that happen.

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Yesterday in a revealing interview on WFAN, Sandy Alderson seemingly forgot any possible player to man right field for the Mets in 2013.

To many, this seemed like a flagrant lack of attention to details as Alderson apparently neglected the team’s need for a right fielder.

We here at Oh Murph recognize this as a part of the Alderson plan to conserve capital for the big push in 2014.  Besides, Murph has proven he can cover both 2nd base and short right field at the same time.

Hey! You there! Me, Sol here! January 1st already? Must be. Hung over? I hope not.

I came down from my eggnog and Dom induced stupor to wish you all a Happy New Year.  Even though I’m really depressed we didn’t go off the fiscal cliff I realized spring training is right around the corner and here at Oh Murph we have lots to look forward to.  I think my Cohiba budget for the holidays this year was twice what the Mets spent in the off season so I’m sure we’ll have plenty to poke fun at.

Well, I’m off to test drive a hot air balloon.  I’m trying that out as backup transportation when my Segway fails and the Porsche is in the shop.  I leave you with my New Years Resolution for 2013: Worry less, spend more!

Happy New Year from all of us at Oh Murph!  See you in PSL!

XOXO

Uncle Sol

Sorry for the delay but as I’m sure you alredy know, Murph got married.  It’s kind of tough to do wedding coverage when your invite was supposedly “lost in the mail” so we had to resort to other tactics.  We’re still decoding material returned to OMDC HQ from our official OMDC Drone and Uncle Sol has been missing since we sent him skyward with a long range lens and 20 weather balloons attached to his Segway.

So here is what we have for you: Part one of our wall-to-wall Murph Wedding coverage begins with “blind items” and texts to Murph from other players.  We’ll tell you who sent the texts but the blind items are a little to scandalous to have a name attached to them.  Have fun figuring it out and check back for more real soon.

Which pitcher was hitting on every female party goer and most of the staff working the party? Other guests claim he had the confidence of a man who recenly had a nose job.

Which former Met wasn’t invited but sent Murph a Murph a gift anyway? The gift being keys to his Long Island mansion.  Not because he’s generous, he’s having trouble selling it.

Which member of the front office was overheard begging Murph to come with him on his honeymoon so he could avoid the winter meetings?  Even going as far as offering his and hers massages for the duration of the trip.

 

“Who is this and how did you get my number” Consider yourself blocked” Carlos Beltran

“Good luck Murph. Btw, I aM fIN e SinCe the, the, wait, uh, oh yeah LaSt cOncUssion” Ryan Church

“Get out of town while you can, and good luck today” Jason Bay

After being in a terrible funk back in June which included a nationally publicized failed attempt at a mustache, Murph is back!

The last 30 days saw Murph play in 22 games with 75 at bats and 30 hits for a .400 clip which has once again raised his season's average above .300 to a current .306.

Singles hitter you say?

His 10 doubles and 2 triples led the team for the 30 day time period. For the season, Murph leads the team in triples with 3 and is second in doubles with 29 to David Wright's 30.

But, you complain, his fielding, ugh!

In 370 total chances Murph has 10 errors. In 242 total chances, 2 time gold glover David Wright has 9 errors.
So we are glad Murph has found his way out of the fog.

And, btw, we are fans of the high socks.

Hey, you there! Uncle Sol here! I can’t believe the season is almost halfway done.  Some players that make their living on the pitchers mound are like me without certain medication, underperforming!  Well, I think I might have an answer for these pitchers.  Stop Worrying!  Your Uncle Sol can help!

RA Dickey was on a roll last year.  Even though I prefer marble rye, I still have standards!  Once he climbed that mountain though, Kilimanjaro whatever he’s been on another level.  One that hasn’t been seen since Manny and I stopped at Mohegan Sun two years ago and I caught a hot hand at the craps table.  I then caught something else after we ate at the buffet.  Anyway, I Sol will take you, the underperforming or just plain untalented pitcher to the top of that very same mountain!  That’s right YOU channel your INNER DICKEY at the summit with Uncle Sol!

I’m offering two packages:

Option A

All-Star Weekend Trip “The Quickey Dickey”

Get on track for the second half of this season! You obviously didn’t make the All-Star team if you’re considering this so don’t even act like you have something better to do.  Instead of sitting around in your hellhole of a hometown with your pathetic high school friends getting drunk and telling them you’re ”Still the man even though you suck right now” take this trip and maybe come back throwing a knuckler.  Who knows, you might even get a big contract and buy new friends.  You’ll never have to talk to those losers again!

Option B

Off-Season Excursion ”The Extended Dickey Experience”

Not concerned so much with this season? Looking towards the future? Pitch for the Padres? Well I think option two is for you.  It’s extended so you’ll need to allot 3-8 weeks for this trip.  We’ll retrace Dickey’s steps exactly as he took them.  At least you will, I’ll be on Segway the entire trip.  Raul has a cousin in Tanzania you’ll be with him once the terrain gets too rough.  Stop worrying! I’m brining my off-road tires! Anyway, on this trip we’ll have group sing-alongs by campfire, name your favorite Dickey moment, and so much more that we won’t be able to get to on the All-Star trip.  Stop worrying, you’ll love it!

Book now space is limited. All trips include guidance from me, Uncle Sol, to the top of the mountain.  Transportation, meals, lodging, protection, water, or anything else is NOT included in the price of the trip.  Price still undermined however will be a multiple of 28.  Cash and Murphster-Card are the only accepted forms of payment.

Uncle Sol Tourism is not responsible for any freaky third world fate that might befell you.  This is included but not limited to kidnapping, forced labor, and limited Cohiba availiability.  Stop Worrying, you’ve been warned!

I was debating whether to even post anything regarding this topic, because last time I did Murph went into the current tailspin he broke out of yesterday.

But hey, it’s Oh Murph and we’d be fools if we didn’t mention Murph and the offensive show he put on yesterday at Wrigley.  Not only did he give you one, but Murph went Double-Mint on the North Side when he doubled his pleasure and ended his homerless streak with two.

We couldn’t be prouder of him here at OMDC. I know the Murph you saw at the plate yesterday is a much more accuarate picture of him as a batter than what he’d been contributing the past few weeks.  Here’s to hoping the magic continues in LA.