“Royals” by Kiwi pop crooner Lord has undoubtedly been in earshot if you’ve heard any music in the past six months and the baseball link to the song is well documented.

Besides being inspired by an old photograph of George Brett, Lorde was really depressed that she’d never be able to join the Kansas City Royals.  The anger that inspired her song could all be for naught as Lorde was recently informed that the Royals hold open tryouts every March in Surprise, Arizona.

Since hearing the news, Lorde has set up camp in Skyline Regional Park just outside of Surprise.  Our Cactus League spies report that she has been seen practicing sprints up the steep hillsides and yelling at snakes in preparation for her upcoming visit with Royals.  She had poor reviews from a troop of Boy Scouts earning their badges in the wilderness who said she “throws like a girl” but hopes for a much better showing with the other scouts.

Getting a bit ahead of herself, Lorde has also been spotted in a local recording studio remixing the hit that earned her such success.  Lyrics are said to include “I might be a Royal but first they assigned me to Burlington of the Appalachian League”.

Whatever happens, one thing is guaranteed:

The Royals will have a higher payroll than the Mets whether they sign Lorde or not.

They’ll also be heavily supported by teenage girls who hate their parents if they do.

 

Bobby Parnell appeared before the media yesterday in PSL and fielded the usual round of questions.  One question that nobody had the nerve to ask was “Bobby, what are you looking at?”

Here at Oh Murph, we like to to give you the “story behind the story” and our sources outside Tradition had the full details for our loyal fans.

It seems Bobby Parnell arrived at camp with what team doctors are diagnosing as “Beard Paranoia”.  While it likely won’t keep him off the field, it has lead to some strange behavior.  All due to the fact that he keeps thinking people are trying to steal his beard.

During yesterday’s presser, Bobby was distracted by two things that anyone living in the Northeast would love to see: puffy white clouds and palm trees.  Parnell was a little more than distracted, he was actually frightnened.

It is alleged that after the mics were off Parnell was overheard saying he felt threatened by the clouds because they reminded him of shaving cream.  The palm leaves are no better in his eyes, calling them “razors on a tree”.

Don’t expect to see Bobby doing anymore outdoor Q&A sessions with the beat writers for the rest of the Spring.  He has demanded all further dealing with the media be done indoors.

We hope you keep your beard Bobby and realize no one is trying to take it from you.  Most of all, we hope you aren’t giving that same far off gaze in the direction of center field this season as a run for the opposition gets tacked onto the score.

Oh Murph! If Murph is in camp, our season has begun.

 

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The voice of the summers of my youth has passed and I am sad. Ralph, Lindsey, and Bob were always great together, but you know Ralph was my favorite.

Why? Ralph explained the game to me like he was my uncle. He never spoke over my head. He gave me insider information in confidence. Everything I know about baseball I learned from Ralph.

Ralph’s stories were simply amazing as was his life. He said he didn’t play baseball as a youngster, he grew up playing Softball. Just think of that as you drag your kid around the country to yet another travel tournament.

Ralph was a great interviewer. In addition to Kiner’s Korner, Ralph once had a long interview during a rain delay with Joe DiMaggio. It was TV magic. Never heard DiMaggio so relaxed and open.

On those rare occasions when the Mets made it into a post season, the look of happiness on Ralph’s face covering the locker room celebration mirrored my own joy.

I really looked forward to Ralph’s visits to the booth in his later years. He reminded me of things I had long forgotten, but he hadn’t. We should all be so sharp in our old age.

Ralph will be missed. When I sit down to watch that first Mets game of 2014 with a beer in my hand the first toast will be to Ralph.

Thank you for everything Ralph, you were truly a legend.

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Young Daniel Murphy was recently subjected to DEA scrutiny as a conversation he was part of was overheard by an over zealous agent. The agent believed he heard Murphy utter the words “Blue Meth” in response to a question asked by a person of interest only identified as “Skinny Pete”.

Murphy, distraught over multiple reports on Metsblog of his imminent trade from the Mets to an unknown team, was suspected of attempting to seek comfort from the drug underworld during a recent visit to New Mexico.

Upon further investigation, agents discovered Murphy was in fact only recovering from some recent minor dental surgery and was actually responding to a question about his favorite baseball uniform to which he replied “Blue, Mets”.

Travis d’Arnaud, the key piece in the R. A. Dickey trade this past winter, has been cleared to cautiously begin rehabbing his broken left foot.

d’Arnaud has spent more time on the DL than Johan Santana over these last two seasons, however Mets hopes are clearly riding on his recovery.

Mets medical advisors have asked d’Arnauld to continue to wear the boot they prescribed to aid healing of the broken bone for his left foot. In order to do this as economically as possible, Travis is wearing the same boot as Ike Davis used to deal with his ankle injury of 2011 (ie, when Ike could hit).

We at Oh Murph do not pretend to have any medical knowledge whatsoever, however, we had noticed in this photo of d’Arnaud from early today in Port St. Lucie that Travis is wearing a right boot on his left foot.

We have full faith that Mets medical will have Travis back behind the plate in the very near future.

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Two plays that stood out from this amazingly successful Subway Series have to be the ones Brett Gardner made on Murph.  Here at Oh Murph, we’re known for the story behind the story and boy do we have one for you tonight!

Coming up clutch wasn’t enough for Murph, neither was sweeping the season series.  After the game last night Murph was still roaring mad from the thefts courtesy of Gardner and he had a little pilfering on his mind as well.  Nattily dressed in all white and ready for a flight to Miami, Murph slipped into the Yankee clubhouse and hit Gardner where it hurt most.  That’s right, Murph made off with Gardner’s prized “Headblade” shaving razor.  While still able to play, Gardner has been rendered much less aerodynamic for the weekend series with Boston.

Things get worse. The Oh Murph Follicle Research Department has informed us that when Gardner’s does grow his hair out, it sprouts in the same patchy style as Murph’s half-goatee.

We didn’t hear Gardner’s reaction to the missing razor, but we’re pretty sure it involved an expletive or two, and of course an “Oh Murph!”

As if Ike Davis didn’t have enough to worry about, his problems just multiplied.  Not only are the entire Mets organization, fan base, and the NY media on his case but now he can add aging rock and roll legends to that list.  That’s right, the Rolling Stones are demanding that Ike abandon using their anthem “Start Me Up” as his walk up music.

Claiming that Ike doesn’t represent the “winning brand” the Stones like to portray, the request at first sounded like a joke.  However once the Mets front office heard from Stones legal representation it was quite clear the rock veterans were serious in their desire to distance themselves from the beleaguered slugger.

Perhaps a change of music is just what Ike needs to get back on the right track.  I say go for it Ike and change the tune.  Just do me a favor? When you come out of this and the Stones come crawling back don’t use their music.  Tell them you’re more of a Zeppelin guy now.

No matter how long this slump lasts and even if it takes you to Vegas, it’ll never be half as bad as this:

The ultimate Wingman, Murph helps Harvey bag a supermodel.  If you’re on Murph’s team he has your back, on and off the field.

Everyone wants to know when Ike Davis is going down to the Minors, including Ike himself.  For a player with Ike’s potential, talking about a trip to Vegas is not an easy topic.  Having adjusted to the Major league lifestyle, salary and all those perks he has here in Flushing would be a great departure from the life of a player in the Minor leagues.  Even with all that and his pride on the line Ike still has a greater concern about being sent down.  He has really great seats for the Soccer match at Citi Field next weekend where Israel will play Honduras and doesn’t want to miss it.

That’s right, for the first time in over 35 years (or since at least 5737) the Israeli national soccer team will be playing in New York and Ike won’t miss it.  Just the thought of not being able to use his VIP Side Line tickets is enough to make him sick. They come with all access passes and an All-You-Can-Eat spread of falafel, shwarma, and more hummus than anyone could possibly want.  For all the time Ike has spent on the field he was looking forward to a nice evening in the stands watching others compete.  Unfortunately, this little slump he’s mired in (otherwise known in calendar terms as April-June) is standing in his way from the ultimate “I’m a Jewish athlete in New York but I’m just a spectator tonight experience”.

My advice? Get it going Ike! String a few hits together so you can stay in NY even past June 2nd.  Stop thinking about Soccer and worry about Baseball.  The match will probably end in a scoreless tie and it’s an exhibition anyway.We need you Ike, stay focused on the task before you otherwise you’ll have plenty of time to worry about Soccer in Vegas.

Unnamed Mets organization insiders have disclosed that Sandy Alderson has effectively enacted “plan C” in his pursuit of filling out the thin outfield corps in lieu of Michael Bourn signing with the Indians.

Alderson is now working on signing one or two from a group of players recently disqualified for future hall of fame consideration.

Specifically Alderson, ever looking to keep costs down, is considering Shawn Green and Jeff Conine, both ex-Mets. “We can get these guys on the cheap, plus we still have their old uniforms, so we won’t need new ones for them” said Alderson in a carefully considered and thoughtfully delivered statement.

“Of course, there is, for New York, a certain allure, to the fan, of an ex-Met, re-appearing.” stated Alderson in a sentence that took roughly 18 minutes to deliver.

Alderson also stated that at this time there were no plans to look at Julio Franco, however, if a need arises, there is enough cash to make that happen.

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