Posts Tagged ‘gary cohen’

I’m a white boy from Virginia. Who do you THINK I’m voting for?”  - David Wright, October 2008 at Duke’s Original Roadhouse, NYC (from first-hand sources *)

So you think Daniel Murphy’s in a slump. Some sort of rut, or “funk,” as the Mets’ second-winningest manager Willie Randolph liked to say. As of the end of the 4-3 win over the Braves last night (in which Murph went 0-3), his BA is down to a pedestrian .277.  Murph’s now gone two for his last twenty something over the past week – or so the liberal media would have you believe.

They say numbers never lie. But you know who does? The bedwetting liberal national media, that’s who. Murphaholics know full well that it’s physically impossible for Murphy to ever, ever, ever go into any kind of slump – he famously never heard of the word until he reached the bigs – but the biased NY-based media outlets have gone to amazing lengths to make Murph look bad for what amounts to the baseball equivalent of affirmative action.

The media has been using stock footage from the first five weeks of the season as well as advanced CGI in place of Murphy’s more recent at-bats, directing SNY play-by-play man Gary Cohen to read from a script during live broadcasts.  Murphy’s two inside-the-park home runs in last Saturday’s game against the Pirates were instead substituted for a strikeout and pop out. Along the exit gates, Citi Field staff have been outfitted with memory erasers like the ones used in the Men in Black movies. The goal? Make Daniel Murphy seem simply ordinary.  Some, like FOX News’ Bill O’Reilly, suggests the liberal media is simply pandering to a heavily Latin ball club.

“An all-American white kid from the south playing in the country’s most left-leaning media market? Please.  The kid doesn’t have a chance,” FOX News’ Bill O’Reilly was quoted as saying.  When asked by a caller why David Wright received no such treatment over the last few years, O’Reilly scoffed and responded, “Please, there’s only room for one Jesus on ‘Los Mets.’ Their front office doesn’t want the Lopez’s and Gomez’s or whoever else to protest with a siesta if a second white guy outperformed them regularly.”

Ex-MSNBC personality Michael Savage see things in bigger perspective. “Mets ownership dedicated their ballpark’s entrance to the wrong guy. Where’s the Moses Fleetwood Walker Rotunda? Oh right, not recent enough for a feel-good story.  Look, Major League Baseball is too caught up in protecting its diverse image, so it doesn’t surprise me once bit that young Danny Murphy’s accomplishments are being adversely manipulated to make him look ordinary.  This Carlos Beltran has suppsedly been on fire since day one, Luis Castillo may end up being comeback player of the year or whatever, and Johan is pitching decently, but yet the New York fans get on David Wright for being among the league leaders in strikeouts and fails to come through in big spots? Open your eyes, America.”

Eventually, though, The Murph can’t be held down for long.  The media will eventually relent and let Murph’s fair skin take up the back page or head the sports show highlights.

We’re not going to take it much longer… and you can bet your ass Murph won’t either.

Opinions expressed in this post are solely the poster’s and do not in anyway reflect the thoughts or beliefs of ohmurph.com

* Not necessarily true