Posts Tagged ‘johan santana’

WAKE UP OMAR!

Free agency officially started ONE MINUTE AGO! What are you doing, playing fuckin’ Farmville? Mets fans deserve better than this. MURPH deserves to know who his righty platoonmate is going to be! Castillo needs to know who’s going to be breathing down his neck all year! Reyes deserves to know what fat, over the hill catcher is going to be clogging the basepaths in front of him! Wright needs to know who’s not going to be protecting him in the lineup! Dan Warthen wants to start working on his David Blain act so he can disguise our newly-acquired 4th starter as a fuckin’ 2nd starter! Johan wants to know whose turn is it to butcher routine plays in left field behind him! K-Rod would like to have an idea as to which setup man is going to give up those two runs in the 8th to give him a save opportunity to blow in the 9th! Our fearless lame duck leader Jerry Manuel needs names to start drafting one-liners for the post-game press conferences, the kind he cranks out after each heartwrenching loss!

There are too many holes to fill with not enough talent on the farm nor on the market. We hope you’re burning the midnight oil, Omar, to bring this team back to respectability. You better be burning those off-peak minutes on your cell and pounding the sidewalk harder than when Kid Carter’s out streetwalking & turning tricks!

For your sake, Omar, we hope that you’re finishing up your brownie ala mode at Outback Steakhouse right now, sitting across from John Lackey and his agent after a satisfying dinner and productive discussion. We hope you’ve written down your offer on a napkin and have it covered with your hand, just like in the movies. And that at this very second, you turned the napkin around and slid it across the table towards your guests before bidding farewell. Scott Boras has Matt Holliday sitting at the Chipotle on Varick waiting to hear what you’ve got to say.

 (AP) – When a season comes to an end prematurely, like the 2009 Mets campaign has, a team must look to next year.  The Mets haven’t played a meaningful game in several weeks, yet Johan Santana’s presence on the mound every fifth day serves as a reminder to the rest of the league: Watch out in 2010 because we still have the best pitcher in baseball!  However, the team will no longer fire off that warning signal as Santana has been shut down for the remainder of the season.  He will have surgery on his left elbow, which was injured while beating off to videos of himself playing on a contender.

“This in no way means I am not happy being with the Mets.  I love the Mets.  But sometimes it’s natural for a guy to fantasize about past teams.  Particularly when you went through so many pennant races and playoff series together.  But remember, I left the Twins to come to the Mets,” Santana explained.  “I mean, come on, $137 million, a new stadium, Subway commercials…the Mets are so much more attractive than the Twins,” he said with a warm smile and sexy wink.

Mets equipment manager Charlie Samuels told reporters his staff did an inordinate amount of laundry this year, particularly socks.  “Normally, we wash uniforms every few days.  Recently each cycle seemed to have 10, 12 pairs of extra socks.  We thought maybe it had to do with all the injuries, new guys getting called up and so forth, but that didn’t explain why they were so crusty.  Mystery solved!”

OhMurph.com has received first-hand knowledge of an off-the-field incident involving ace Johan Santana during the filming of a recent Subway commercial with Yankees ace CC Sabathia.

The sandwich franchise created a popular commercial in 2005 which featured then-skippers Willie Randolph and Joe Torre, in which their baseball rivalry spilled out onto the culinary field. Willie’s most memorable line: “Yeah, it’s got a lotta meat!”

Moments before the attack

To promote their new Big Chipotle Cheese steak sandwich, Santana and Sabathia were enlisted to film a commercial together to discuss how promote the new sandwich. However, the filming went awry not long after the shoot started.

Upon his arrival to the set, Sabathia proceeded to consume the entire food spread that was laid out for the staff, forcing the catering company to rush an emergency order before filming could start. Sabathia then continued to polish off the seven samples of the Big Chipotle Cheese steak allocated to him before he declared himself ready to shoot. With the appetizers out of the way, a lean, trim, and tasty-looking Santana was finally brought into the set with what appeared to be a temporarily satisfied Sabathia.

The production company, however was prepared for a hunger flare-up. They had worked with Sabathia on previous commercial shoots during his time in Cleveland. Santana was placed to Sabathia’s left on the bench used on the set, ensuring his prized pitching arm was away from Sabathia. Likewise, Santana’s right arm was actually taken from a mannequin and attached under his jersey while his real arm was tied back – for reasons that became clear immediately.

During the first take, Sabathia eyed Santana’s prop sandwich in his hands. As soon as the first “cut” was yelled by the director after the “It’s playing in New York big” line, Sabathia immediately pounced on Santana and bit down hard on his right wrist while going for his sandwich, completely shattering the dummy arm. The elephant trainers were immediately mobilized and fired dartfuls of Proheptazine at Sabathia to tranquilize him while Santana’s handlers rushed him away from the set. Sabathia was roped and returned to his cage while a shaken Santana was evaluated by the medical staff.

The commercial’s producers were forced to utilize CGI in combination with separate footage that was shot two weeks following the incident with Santana alone on the set. The end result was seamless, and the ad campaign boosted non-Sabathia sales of the new sandwich to an average eight across the Tri-State region, or 4% of daily total sales.

To get your dose of Murph around the web…. check these out:

Metsradamus talks about Murphy’s Law of Physics…

Brooklyn Met Fan states that D-Murph Goes Off…

SNY’s Kevin Burkhardt caught up with Murph after the game.

MLB.com: Murphy comes to Johan’s rescue

Metsblog’s Matt Cerrone states that Daniel Murphy is only 24 Years old

Newsday talks about the Replay Reversal that gave Murpher a homer as the Mets win…