Posts Tagged ‘mother’s day’

Mothers day for many people means flowers, dinner, and for some baseball fans, maybe a trip to the ballpark with dear ol’ mom.  In this special edition of Oh Murph, we’ll take a look at how Mother’s Day is celebrated in Murph’s household.

Legend has it that the Murphy men carry a genetic abnormality that allows them to produce Super Sperm, the rare ability to generate offspring which have near-superhuman abilities, such as veteran-like plate discipline.  As a result, the Murphy’s decided to celebrate Mother’s Day as a pre-Father’s Day upon the birth of young Daniel Murphy in 1985.  While the traditional June date for Father’s Day was relegated to the usual ties and coffee mugs, Mother’s Day was now reserved for commemorating the day the Murphy mens’ Super Sperm spawned a future Hall of Famer.

Realizing the fame and fortune that the young Murph would bring to the family, the Murphy’s wasted no time in signing him up for various sports and activities.  While Mister Miyagi needed two chopsticks to pick flies out of the air, Murph was able to do it with just one by sharpening the end of it with his teeth and impaling the unsuspecting bug – at the age of three.

Fast forward a couple of decades, and Daniel Murphy is poised to make his mark in the Major Leagues. Russell Athletic has already had to develop a specialized custom athletic supporter for Murph, not unlike the concept or purpose of the container Vittoria Vetra and her father created out of necessity to contain their anti-matter in Dan Brown’s ‘Angels & Demons’ – that is, even a tiny amount released would have dire consequences. 

For now, the Murphy family is content with their son in the bigs, even while stars such as Oprah have requested samples from the fruit of the Murphy loin for developing their own progeny – not that Murph would hit that.  The only thing he’s hitting right now are 9 oz. horsehide balls with his wood. 

Editors Note:  Mario went to the Mets game yesterday while his mother was celebrating with the rest of the family